james_

I have been away. Not in a physical sense, but spiritually I've been feeling pretty detatched for a while. Times of high stress always do this to me, I get so depersonalised and gain a truly flattened affect. People tell me it's like I'm not really there.
I threw a proper wobbly on Sunday, smashed up one of the signs outside work in a kind of impotent, cathartic rage. It didn't gain me much, just a vague feeling of embarrassment.

I'm feeling much more myself now, though. I have two weeks of holiday starting friday, I'm going to Cornwall on the Friday night sleeper train, then Devon on Saturday, Mooch around the south west on Sunday, Then I might be going to Cardiff the weekend after that, but that's not been confirmed yet. I need more stuff to do, otherwise I will spend the entire fortnight in my room; smoking weed and procrastinating.

I just got a letter calling me in for an "individual consultation" regarding the company-wide redundancies that are imminent. It's on a day when I'm supposed to be on holiday, so I don't know if I'm going to go or not. They are cunts, and I really don't give a shit any more. Fuck them.