jamber

I just woke up.

My mouth hurts. My tounge feels swollen and my thoat is all closed up. Nice. Just what I dont need. I cant afford to get sick.

I had wierd dreams. I drepmt about the first boy I ever loved. I was 12. He was 13. I moved away and never spoke to him again. He died when he was 15 of...
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These chucks are made for walk'n

Ahhhhh. Spring.

Okay, so spring isnt here quite yet, but I feel it. Around this time of year I always get the walking bug. The dog goes on a leash, (and now that im a mama) the baby goes on my back, and my Chuck Taylor Converse Allstars go on my feet and I hit the streets of Port...
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I am trapped in a flood, but it isn't raining
I have a tendancy to get bored too quickly
Recently my dull life seems to have no meaning
I am stuck with someone we're not communicating

I want to buy
Have you been affected?
I need consoling
You could be addicted

I need something new
Something trivial would do
I want to satisfy this empty...
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If my life were a movie

These past months and the months that will follow would have to be summed up in one of those move montages that are set to hip music to illustrate the passage of time because real life in the movies is not real life.



Scene: Amber's elevated learning and growth peroid.

*add hip song that is getting heavy radio rotation*...
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feeling much better.

Much. Better.

My daughter's word for Daddy is the same as the word she uses for Bye Bye.

I wish I had him around more.

?

Not much I can do......

ooooohhhhh maaannnnn.

Shit.

I am trying, i am really trying. I am trying to be Zen and understanding and peaceful. I am trying to work on my temper and my relationship with stress. I have used stress as an excuse to be a bitch, and im trying not to do that anymore.

REALLY. I am trying.

But.

This morning. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

COULD NOT CONTROL TEMPER

I...
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I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place thats far away
And when i'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say

Don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived til I was a hundred and two
I just don't think I'll ever get over you

No longer moved to...
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It'll come down and look you in the eye
The way you're gonna go with no place to die
My water breaks like turpentine
I sit dead in the sacrifice
You get to watch, you get to watch
Now you get to watch me die
Bless my body and bless my soul
Wrap it in turpentine
I see you standing, whatever for?
All the lads...
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I think I am better.

Yes, I do have an Ulcer. The good doc put me on meds. Hopefully this will help, so no more agressive treatments are nessesary. More than anything, this is a reminder to CHILL OUT.

So, this evening I took some time to myself. I sat in the bathtub and shaved my motherfuckin legs. It was so nice.

How is...
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I think I have an ulcer.

Life is happening so fast. I feel like I cant handle it.


Mothering. School. Teaching. Building a house. So many other little things I wolnt even mention.....because.....i dont want to think about it.

Why do I feel like I have to be everythng, do everything?

I will discuse this with my therapist...........