I wish I could come home from work and not replay the nights events over and over again in some vain attempt to reconcile them.

I didn't have to deal with any overt violence tonight, and for that I feel fortunate. However, I had several drug runs. I have nothing against people who use drugs recreationally, but I do dislike being torn between keeping my PV license or pissing people off in situations where guns are likely to be close at hand. I even got called out on one of them a second time, and he ran an insurance scam on me. I did everything by the book, which is sheer luck, or just my own good sense, because I did not know there was a book for these situations until I came in this morning and asked the dispatcher if there was a form or something that I needed to fill out for accidents. He handed me a whole packet of stuff. I'm glad I insisted that the police be called because pretty much everything in the packet relates to what will be in the police report. Fuck, I hate Price Hill! The cops are gonna start to get used to my face out there.

Anyway, even though I handled the situation pretty well, I'm still afraid I might lose my job. I don't know why I care, seeing as how I've been averaging far less than minimum wage since the New Year, and because the job is just sooooo stressful on so many levels (physical, mental, emotional, etc.). Unfortunately, I still believe it is the only job that I have any chance of keeping, considering my total lack of any kind of internal clock. AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!

All I wanna think about when I come home on a Saturday morning is my 5:15 regular! She's such a sweetheart. She smells of clove cigarettes and strawberry shampoo. She says "libary" (why that gets me I don't know - ). Oh, she's just so goddamned purty! I just wish I could get the cotton out of my mouth every time I pick her up. Anyway, she's the perfect fare to wrap up a night.