After this long, hard day, I intended to jump into a hot bath and then crawl straight into bed. However, stupid me, I started poking around this site. I read Scarlett's journal for, like, the second time ever, and, wham, I get hit with an emotional conundrum that can only be resolved with some writing.
What one feels about the tragedies of lesser friends and second-person acquaintances is often hard to pin down and sometimes downright confusing. Apathy is not uncommon, and, I think, not inhuman. Thoughtless insensitivity, on the other hand, is cruel.
One of my closest friends shot herself many years ago. She didnt die, but she was never quite the same afterwards. The swelling of her brain caused some damage, both physically and mentally. She just didnt seem all the way there emotionless affectless. That whole mess fucks with me like nothing else I have ever experienced. Its probably the germinating event that sent me spiraling far away from my love and friends and into the dark recesses of this cyber-Hell!
Anyway, years later, I was having dinner with another friend and his girlfriend. The topic of suicide came up somehow and I started to tell them about this wonderful person I once knew. The girlfriend piped up and said, I know her! That really bitchy girl who became really nice after she tried to kill herself! I thought that was more than insensitive I thought it was downright mean. I was enraged!
The birth of a close friends child brings emotions that are easy to feel, and good to feel. Being faced with all the cruelty of life and death at the same time twists the real feelings. Reaching for meaning proves you are not insensitive, but not finding meaning doesnt really prove anything.
What one feels about the tragedies of lesser friends and second-person acquaintances is often hard to pin down and sometimes downright confusing. Apathy is not uncommon, and, I think, not inhuman. Thoughtless insensitivity, on the other hand, is cruel.
One of my closest friends shot herself many years ago. She didnt die, but she was never quite the same afterwards. The swelling of her brain caused some damage, both physically and mentally. She just didnt seem all the way there emotionless affectless. That whole mess fucks with me like nothing else I have ever experienced. Its probably the germinating event that sent me spiraling far away from my love and friends and into the dark recesses of this cyber-Hell!
Anyway, years later, I was having dinner with another friend and his girlfriend. The topic of suicide came up somehow and I started to tell them about this wonderful person I once knew. The girlfriend piped up and said, I know her! That really bitchy girl who became really nice after she tried to kill herself! I thought that was more than insensitive I thought it was downright mean. I was enraged!
The birth of a close friends child brings emotions that are easy to feel, and good to feel. Being faced with all the cruelty of life and death at the same time twists the real feelings. Reaching for meaning proves you are not insensitive, but not finding meaning doesnt really prove anything.