jakbstrd

so.
i watched "blue" tonight.

"white" and "red" will get here eventually. i reported them missing to netflix.

i guess i'm the saddest human that's being right now.

poor me.

i get to see wily wonka tomorrow.

yeah me!

Yesterday was the company picnic. I volunteered to cook the whole day, but did have relief a few times so I could walk around and play a game or two.

Worst part was the beginning. The grill arrived and we started it up. It was still wet from being cleaned so we turned it on high and closed the lid. A bit later I noticed...
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If your place was burning and you could take one thing with you, what would it be?

I would grab the picture of my dad standing beside a six foot tall chicken with antlers. Everything else could be replaced or forgotten. As he lay on his deathbed in opiate dreams he said to me "we've got to move the chicken" and I said "it's okay...
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I'm so impatient. I told everyone that I was planning on moving back to Arizona this time next year. I wish I was gone now. It's hard to go to work and just do the same piddly shit I was doing 3 years ago. I guess it's nice that they pay me a lot more than back then. I suppose I should take more responsibility...
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I just don't feel like doing anything anymore.

But I'll trudge on.

Not much else to do.

So. Very. Tired.

Went to the 1201 showing of Star Wars the other night. Didn't get enough sleep. Then stayed up well past two last night playing poker. At which I lost all my money. Made only a couple of errors, but they were costly ones.

Have spent the past 2-1/2 weeks in Arizona. First watching my father pass away and then staying for the memorial service. It was hard, but I'm glad I was there because I don't think my Mom would have been okay alone.

Rest in Peace Dad, We love you and miss you terribly. Happy though that you're now at peace and without pain.

Love is an excuse to hurt

And get hurt.

Do you like to hurt?

Then hurt me.

Hurt me.

-bright eyes "lover i don't have to love"

A friend from my High School years passed away last week. It's been hard to not think about what a great guy he was and to feel like shit for not keeping up with him. I wish I weren't so transient sometimes.

R.I.P., Hunter, happy skating brother Clayman.

I've had some weird dreams in the past few days. Dreams about Germany. I don't remember dreaming so much about staying in Germany. I used to when my parents and girlfriend were still there. But after they all left I didn't think much of it. Now I've been thinking more and more about the what ifs. I'm just trying to figure out where it all...
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