drinking wine
straight from the bottle
remembering times
long past.
thought that i loved you
and now wondering why.
where were you when
i needed you most,
right after my heart
got broken.
thought that i needed you
and now wondering why.
too many times i've ran this video through my cranium of how i would be if i could. if i could just be that person. if i could just learn that being that person is okay and not a trade-off for something worse. but i resist and stay the same "loveable" unloveable that i am. avoiding calls from people that love me. a woman that wants to be with me and i turn away because she's not what i want, but she's been my friend for so long that i don't want to turn her away. things had been going so well and now i stay up late drinking worrying about my father and the cancer that's eating him from inside out. i worry about whether i've bit off more than i can chew at the office. i worry that i may be rejecting the last woman that will ever love me. worrying that i'm not going to live another year if i don't do something to change. wondering why i moved here if i stay the same and won't change like i promised myself i would. wondering if analysis and a pharma-script will make me "better".
pondering all this while drinking straight from the bottle.
wondering why i can't just talk to the woman at the video store like i do with the people i work with. she seems so together and fun. did i just say "fun"? fucking shoot me now.
straight from the bottle
remembering times
long past.
thought that i loved you
and now wondering why.
where were you when
i needed you most,
right after my heart
got broken.
thought that i needed you
and now wondering why.
too many times i've ran this video through my cranium of how i would be if i could. if i could just be that person. if i could just learn that being that person is okay and not a trade-off for something worse. but i resist and stay the same "loveable" unloveable that i am. avoiding calls from people that love me. a woman that wants to be with me and i turn away because she's not what i want, but she's been my friend for so long that i don't want to turn her away. things had been going so well and now i stay up late drinking worrying about my father and the cancer that's eating him from inside out. i worry about whether i've bit off more than i can chew at the office. i worry that i may be rejecting the last woman that will ever love me. worrying that i'm not going to live another year if i don't do something to change. wondering why i moved here if i stay the same and won't change like i promised myself i would. wondering if analysis and a pharma-script will make me "better".
pondering all this while drinking straight from the bottle.
wondering why i can't just talk to the woman at the video store like i do with the people i work with. she seems so together and fun. did i just say "fun"? fucking shoot me now.