jakbstrd

Stayed up Sunday night into Monday morning reading. Had a hell of a time going to work and being productive. Got home after b-day dinner for my aunt and instead of gaming or TV I finished the book. Stayed up late again doing so. Work went a little better, though I still didn't get as much done as I was supposed to.

Waking up thinking...
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got up really early for a saturday, then spent the time dilly-dallying around and ended up accomplishing nothing. still have an hour and a half before my friend's "do". then a quick gamer match. then a party-wherein drunken oblivion may be attained!

though i've got things i wanted to do in the morning so maybe it won't be such a good idea.

i made the mistake of looking at sg this morning before going to work. i say it was a mistake because i couldn't get james out of my head for a long while. picture #67 haunts me for some reason. her hair down, her eyes staring almost longingly? maybe questioning? something i can't explain. i thought, when i first saw the picture, that i was...
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feeling better. have slept a lot.

it's national turn it off week.

kill your televsion.

Wow.

Feeling the need for some Ned's Atomic Dustbin!!

called in sick today.
feel like poo.
can't stop sneezing.
nose won't stop dripping.
coughing.

looks like it's time for the Q.

Q heal me! Make me well again so that I may continue to preach your word to the unappreciative. May your greeness cure me of what ails me. Allow me to sleep in your sweet narcotic haze so that I may arise unafflicted...
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drinking wine
straight from the bottle
remembering times
long past.

thought that i loved you
and now wondering why.

where were you when
i needed you most,
right after my heart
got broken.

thought that i needed you
and now wondering why.

too many times i've ran this video through my cranium of how i would be if i could. if i could just be...
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entering the last gasp.

it's trying so hard to become Spring. the snow is melting, slowly but surely it is going away. everyday there is more yellow grass and grey asphalt visible. the lines have been erased and everyone travels in the grooves or just above them fearful of skipping like a well-worn LP. listening to John Coltrane on the phonograph...letting my mind coast.

going...
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it is a wonderful new life.

i continually dream about living a new life. one in which i could just live anonymously. but i am not destined for that. i have tried, but i can not remain anonymous. i can not escape the pull of people asking me to partake in the creation of their memories. i have tried to be someone different for so...
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you know the thrumming hook that runs throughout "seven nation army" by the white stripes?

i've had it going through my head for the last two days.

scotch just makes it louder.

tomorrow at dawn the last thirteen years of my life die. and in their stead a new dawn arises, a dawn of redemption, of hope, of renewed misery.

then again maybe not. depends...
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tomorrow is the last day OTJ for our regional manager. then our division manager takes over the regional job as well as the division job...my promotion might actually go through...YAY! Company Car!!!

All the good stuff for me as my father learns he may not be around this time next year.

Fucking life.

have been cleaning my apartment...during breaks i bust out "Dub Side of the Moon" and fly bombing missions in 1942... i've been doing loop-de-loops and aerial acrobatics around the bridges of britain.

break time is almost over...back to the mess...i don't think i could have anymore kitchen gadgets. the next place i move into could be a huge kitchen and i'd still fill it up...
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Uh, so...I'm here.

Yay!