I do think I just realized why I want a relationship so bad. It might have something to do with the fact I didn't get to give my full affection to my mother as a child. Right as I was starting to hang onto her like any son would. She left when I was 4 so my whole life I've been waiting on the right caring woman who I can really be affectionate with. I wouldn't really know though since I never got a real chance at a relationship since high school. I still hope I'll find that lady in my dreams.