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jaeci

Nomads have none.

SG Since 2007

Followers 4232 Following 2401

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Thursday Jun 02, 2011

Jun 2, 2011
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Ciao loves...

Sunday Morning Coming Down is in review. I'm not really into promoting it, as much as I like the trueness of it. Makeup is like warpaint, I don't like to wear much unless I'm feeling weak.

This is an interesting time. I've been feeling trapped and suffocated by my own choices but I've figured out what's wrong, and I'm going to turn my world upside down and improve my situation.

It's this terrible fear of commitment coupled with a hesitant but driving need to be needed; it's my intense Wanderlust but desire to create a home for everyone else; it's my nightmares; it's my intolerance of the weakness in others.

I told a friend the other day, that I take such comfort in knowing my struggles are not unique. I am not the only one that battles what I battle; I am not the only one who has endured what I've endured. Despite any amount of hardship, with strength, with composure, it is possible to persevere.

Life weighs on my mind. It's so fleeting, it's so precious, it's so difficult but so lovely. I've lost so many people I've cared about-- drugs, booze, shootings, strangulation/bludgeoning, accidents, arson, suicide, illness. And sometimes when I tell people the things I've seen or the things I've been through, they tell me they don't know how I'm alright. But I am alright. I've always been alright. Everyone can be alright... Nothing can hurt you unless you let it.

Yesterday doesn't dictate tomorrow. Trauma requires recovery, but these horrible things are only momentary; it is our emotions that continue to rage. Pull them in. Hold them close. Let them sleep curled against your chest like angels. Free them when you can keep them contained- let them fly around your room and scream into your pillow at night. Teach them how to serve you properly. Tame them.

I must choose to not indulge my maladaptations, my perpetual discontent. These are cracks in the foundation of character. Learn from your mistakes, woman, and build an impenetrable fortress around your honor. Be what you wish others would be. Lock your heart away. Give someone the spare key. Hold your head high and face your enemies like they are your friends.



There is a woman in my life who I've let come in that little door at the back of my neck. I've let her sink into my thoughts, I've let her open up my mind, I've let her take a bulldozer to the walls I've so carefully constructed. I should be afraid, but I'm not.



VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
cass17:
I was looking for the like button...

Wrong site... doy!

You're a cool person, and I like being around you. I thought you should know that.
Jun 2, 2011
glitch:
strong words
Jun 2, 2011

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