I wanna rip the hair out of my head.
I am sitting doing my checkbook and right now I don't know how I managing how to breath. for next week I work 6.5 hours and thanksgiving week I am working 8. I have bills I can't even pay. I am so screwed. I keep telling myself until the middle of december I just have to take things one at a time and I can get myself through. I am realizing that I can't. I really can't do this. I don't know why I am even writing when I am in the middle of having a breakdown and practically in tears. wtf was I thinking when months ago I commited to going with the service dogs to disney. my mom is doing that for my christmas present but I can't even take care of my meals for when I am there. why did I even listen to my family on going about that I needed to be a full time student so I could keep my insurance. that has absolutley killed me this semester. This money issue has just been gnawing at the back of my head for awhile now. I just can't work enough hours. I got to the point where I let my work hours conflict with my school hours just anything so I can get any shifts.
ok ok. I get the point I am stressed. I have to come up with some way to make some money. I just listened to a memo I left on my phone. hmm I creep myself out sometimes.
Well after tomorrow morning I will be off to disney. I won't be back till monday. we'll be short a dog. Roadie will be gone for a week. If he tests well then the guy will put him in the drug dog program and that means he won't be coming back. if not we will have to go out there to get him and then he will be back with us for a little longer till janet figures what to do with him. I won't be on SG until monday after friday morning. then I will be home for exactly a week then I leave for Pennsylvania and I will be gone for 10 days.
I went to sit in my car this morning to wait for my brothers bus and realized there was a picture of Fleur sitting face up from the stuff that she shot for me. oops. he didn't notice. I put them away quickly. I don't even know why they were even out like that. I would hate to answer why so and so is naked. especially since he knows fleur. No one ever, ever explained to him about me being bi. I don't think it was ever an issue but one day maybe he will be confused on that. I just like to keep his confusion down. ppl make comments on that issue periodically and he never notices.
oh so speaking of fleurs art. the new big painting of her is looking fantabulous. I wish I could live in a hole and just keep painting. but heck... paint costs money. and I am running low on some things so it wouldn't last that long.
grr
please shoot me....
I am sitting doing my checkbook and right now I don't know how I managing how to breath. for next week I work 6.5 hours and thanksgiving week I am working 8. I have bills I can't even pay. I am so screwed. I keep telling myself until the middle of december I just have to take things one at a time and I can get myself through. I am realizing that I can't. I really can't do this. I don't know why I am even writing when I am in the middle of having a breakdown and practically in tears. wtf was I thinking when months ago I commited to going with the service dogs to disney. my mom is doing that for my christmas present but I can't even take care of my meals for when I am there. why did I even listen to my family on going about that I needed to be a full time student so I could keep my insurance. that has absolutley killed me this semester. This money issue has just been gnawing at the back of my head for awhile now. I just can't work enough hours. I got to the point where I let my work hours conflict with my school hours just anything so I can get any shifts.
ok ok. I get the point I am stressed. I have to come up with some way to make some money. I just listened to a memo I left on my phone. hmm I creep myself out sometimes.
Well after tomorrow morning I will be off to disney. I won't be back till monday. we'll be short a dog. Roadie will be gone for a week. If he tests well then the guy will put him in the drug dog program and that means he won't be coming back. if not we will have to go out there to get him and then he will be back with us for a little longer till janet figures what to do with him. I won't be on SG until monday after friday morning. then I will be home for exactly a week then I leave for Pennsylvania and I will be gone for 10 days.
I went to sit in my car this morning to wait for my brothers bus and realized there was a picture of Fleur sitting face up from the stuff that she shot for me. oops. he didn't notice. I put them away quickly. I don't even know why they were even out like that. I would hate to answer why so and so is naked. especially since he knows fleur. No one ever, ever explained to him about me being bi. I don't think it was ever an issue but one day maybe he will be confused on that. I just like to keep his confusion down. ppl make comments on that issue periodically and he never notices.
oh so speaking of fleurs art. the new big painting of her is looking fantabulous. I wish I could live in a hole and just keep painting. but heck... paint costs money. and I am running low on some things so it wouldn't last that long.
grr
please shoot me....
Secondly ... cheesecake ... yes ... I am willing to offer not only cuddles, but a massage AND kissing as well.
Most importantly ... I know where you are coming from ... I know that feeling of "oh fuck" and I know it well.
I've been having mony issues for awhile now ... and it's no fun at all.
I have no clue what it is like to do stuff with dogs at Disney World ... but that's neither here nor there.
All I can say is that ... everything happens for a reason - you'll understand sooner or later why the money woes are occuring.
In the meantime, lemme hug you to take your mind off everything.
i misses u my nickerdoodles.