jackxsansxsally

my schedule as of late has been nothing less than hectic. if we end up not going to Haiti I will be irate.

the possible deployment has brought to the forefront the conflict caused by the duality of my nature. my new found conciousness and compassion clashes violently against my aggressive and vicious inclinations. especially seeing as my last deployment was one to a war torn land, the idea of a humanitarian mission simply does not conform to my expectations and experiences. there is no established enemy force. in afghanistan you couldnt tell the difference between enemy and civilian, so everyone was treated with scepticism and suspicion. the instinct was to shoot first and confirm later, self interest was paramount. and now Im being told that the habitants of this foreign land are to be taken care of and treated with compassion. its not something I am trying to resist, simply something that does not come naturally.

my only hope now is that I dont do any harm to another human being without it being totally necessary...