for the love of God I wish I could type as fast as I think because its been quite a while since I blogged and so very much has happened.
love life-not sure how long its been since I said anything on this topic...but the girl I was dating throughout my deployment and time in Italy is no longer my girlfriend. we dated kind of on and off for a while then I just stopped talking to her like a stupid dick. then a few months later I decided the whole"shes better off without me" nonsense wasnt worth the pain I was putting myself through not talking to her. so I got drunk and randomly sent her an email for a reason I couldnt at the time understand she started talking to me again! and since then we hooked up a couple times but are taking a slow path back into eachothers lives. just friends for now tho admittedly still in love with oneanother(the reason she was willing to talk to me again) and lately Ive been coming out of my typical depressed state and she has played an integral role in that. an amazing, loving, supporting young woman that I hope some day I will feel deserving of. and since the time we split up Ive only dated one other girl...which I shall choose not to elaborate upon.
the Army-why do we never value what we have enough until it is taken away from us? I bitched and moaned about being over in Italy...for fucks sake I was living in Europe and not happy! what was wrong with me?! and now where do I live? fort fucking Bragg...north carolina! THE SOUTH! this place is despicable. I spent 15 months in afghanistan,a place I would gladly trade for this one,and made it back without a scratch. I get a little too drunk in a bar here and a guy busts my face open with brass knuckles...cracked the bones in my face. what the hell America? are you shitting me? thank God I had my friend with me otherwise if I was hit again I could be brain dead...or just plain dead. fucking stupid redneck motherfucker. good thinking.
but I digress..Army. I was toying with the idea of reenlisting to get out of here and be able to get corrective eye surgery, but ever way I think it through it doesnt seem worth it. Im pretty certain I would be much happier on the civilian side. and it might not be up to me anyway since I just had a piss test the other day and I did smoke some ganj just 4 days before...but they only test 10 percent of the samples so I hope my luck carries me through this one.
prospects-I think I have found my direction in life. well at least a goal for my college education. mechanical engineering. it looks to be a ppth that will give me a balance between my artistic/creative side and my technical/...forgot the other word I was gonna use. starts with a C. shit. calculative maybe? but yeah my desire to create and to think things through. it strikes me as something I will find rewarding. a way I can impact mankind for the better.
potential-I believe human being posess limitless potential though I myself lived up to none of mine for so long that I was beginning to lose hope. lately however I have started to realize some of that potential.the clouds that have hung over my head for what seems like my entire life thus far have began to part. I know now that it will be a long road to the sunshine I wish to bathe in but at least now I am walking that road, taking steps closer to that happiness I now see that I truly do deserve. and so I have found hope. I have found desire for life. I am becoming something more.
love life-not sure how long its been since I said anything on this topic...but the girl I was dating throughout my deployment and time in Italy is no longer my girlfriend. we dated kind of on and off for a while then I just stopped talking to her like a stupid dick. then a few months later I decided the whole"shes better off without me" nonsense wasnt worth the pain I was putting myself through not talking to her. so I got drunk and randomly sent her an email for a reason I couldnt at the time understand she started talking to me again! and since then we hooked up a couple times but are taking a slow path back into eachothers lives. just friends for now tho admittedly still in love with oneanother(the reason she was willing to talk to me again) and lately Ive been coming out of my typical depressed state and she has played an integral role in that. an amazing, loving, supporting young woman that I hope some day I will feel deserving of. and since the time we split up Ive only dated one other girl...which I shall choose not to elaborate upon.
the Army-why do we never value what we have enough until it is taken away from us? I bitched and moaned about being over in Italy...for fucks sake I was living in Europe and not happy! what was wrong with me?! and now where do I live? fort fucking Bragg...north carolina! THE SOUTH! this place is despicable. I spent 15 months in afghanistan,a place I would gladly trade for this one,and made it back without a scratch. I get a little too drunk in a bar here and a guy busts my face open with brass knuckles...cracked the bones in my face. what the hell America? are you shitting me? thank God I had my friend with me otherwise if I was hit again I could be brain dead...or just plain dead. fucking stupid redneck motherfucker. good thinking.
but I digress..Army. I was toying with the idea of reenlisting to get out of here and be able to get corrective eye surgery, but ever way I think it through it doesnt seem worth it. Im pretty certain I would be much happier on the civilian side. and it might not be up to me anyway since I just had a piss test the other day and I did smoke some ganj just 4 days before...but they only test 10 percent of the samples so I hope my luck carries me through this one.
prospects-I think I have found my direction in life. well at least a goal for my college education. mechanical engineering. it looks to be a ppth that will give me a balance between my artistic/creative side and my technical/...forgot the other word I was gonna use. starts with a C. shit. calculative maybe? but yeah my desire to create and to think things through. it strikes me as something I will find rewarding. a way I can impact mankind for the better.
potential-I believe human being posess limitless potential though I myself lived up to none of mine for so long that I was beginning to lose hope. lately however I have started to realize some of that potential.the clouds that have hung over my head for what seems like my entire life thus far have began to part. I know now that it will be a long road to the sunshine I wish to bathe in but at least now I am walking that road, taking steps closer to that happiness I now see that I truly do deserve. and so I have found hope. I have found desire for life. I am becoming something more.