Because I promised XzombieprincessX that I would update today and lets face it, it has been a while since my last update.
First the relationship search front:
So yes that girl from the last post. Never called me back, I haven't seen her since. Oh, well...frankly I don't think I even care anymore.
Of course there was a new girl. This one girl at my work who at first I thought was in that I-just-got-out-of-my-parents-house-and-I'm-going-to-go-crazy-and-do-stupid-shit stage, then I talked to her more and found out we have very similar music tastes and so on. I kind of had a crush on her, but wasn't really sure how I felt about asking out someone I work with.
While fighting with this dilemma I get a call one Monday morning from my boss. She tells me that "someone" told her that I had asked this girl out and that she had turned me down. That while there is no rule against co-workers dating she doesn't approve of it. I of course told her the truth that I hadn't asked her out that someone had obviously imagined things, in the nicest way of course. She said something else in that conversation but I will talk about that later in this post.
So after my initial "I'm so screwed and probably fired" freak out and depressed funk (yay for bourbon?) I just accepted that things were probably going to be ok. I also just found out a few days ago that it was the girl I had a crush that imagined me asking her out. Which was probably her remembering me asking if she would like to hangout (with no romantic intentions just as friends since I didn't have a crush on her then) a few weeks before.
The result? I guess I'm back to square one.
On to the depression front:
Things have have continued to degrade for me. My home life is pretty shitty as my parents are divorcing without actually having the guts to actually get divorced. My mother has finally realized that "oh shit I probably should start looking for a job" and my Dad is going further and further in debt having to pay the bills she used to pay.
All of this has translated into causing my Dad, who was once one of the strongest forces helping me fight my depression, to become a negative force causing it to become worse. It's like he has given up and now just blames me for my depression because there has to be someone to blame. I'm tired of being called names like "depressie" and "downer boy". I'm tired of being told "you should just think positively and that will fix your problems" or "you should join a club or something". You mean like oh say a mountain bike club or hey how about a homebrewing club...oh wait I guess those don't count for some reason.
My doctor and I are trying yet another new combination of drugs (wellbutron and lexapro).
As for the other part of that phone call from my boss I mentioned above. My boss also mentioned that someone told her that I "seemed kind of depressed and it made her uncomfortable". Given I was nice about it and apologized but frankly I was kind of pissed. I mean I'm pretty damn upbeat at work since I really do like my job and am very happy there. What was worse that someone's first reaction to seeing someone feeling down is to complain that it makes them uncomfortable. Oh well I guess people are really just turning into scum in this town after all.
On to more positive stuff:
The english rock my world. I have become addicted to english magazines on mountain biking and photography because they are just so much better. They actually write stuff about the subject of the magazine! This amazes me to no end.
On a whole other topic:
I have been fighting with a big dilemma since before Christmas (which was kind of crappy all around). I want to get back into photography. I have a list of the gear I want well researched out and have a somewhat reasonable way to pay for it (keyword is somewhat) but I keep questioning if I should.
I mean it is a big chunk of cash but it has been something I've been meaning to get back into. I guess my fear is that I'm not good enough to be a decent photographer. I think it would be helpful if I had someone with a fair amount of knowledge to help me out as I progressed. Since the last time I took a go at taking photos I thought my Dad, who was really into photograph in his youth, would help me and didn't.
Other then that things have been marching forward. I'm back in school (in one class at least, fucking EMU). I'm not sure how that is going actually, I've gotten bad vibes and good vibes, but I'm trying.
Thanks again to XzombieprincessX for being a sweetie pie and checking in to see if everything was going alright.
First the relationship search front:
So yes that girl from the last post. Never called me back, I haven't seen her since. Oh, well...frankly I don't think I even care anymore.
Of course there was a new girl. This one girl at my work who at first I thought was in that I-just-got-out-of-my-parents-house-and-I'm-going-to-go-crazy-and-do-stupid-shit stage, then I talked to her more and found out we have very similar music tastes and so on. I kind of had a crush on her, but wasn't really sure how I felt about asking out someone I work with.
While fighting with this dilemma I get a call one Monday morning from my boss. She tells me that "someone" told her that I had asked this girl out and that she had turned me down. That while there is no rule against co-workers dating she doesn't approve of it. I of course told her the truth that I hadn't asked her out that someone had obviously imagined things, in the nicest way of course. She said something else in that conversation but I will talk about that later in this post.
So after my initial "I'm so screwed and probably fired" freak out and depressed funk (yay for bourbon?) I just accepted that things were probably going to be ok. I also just found out a few days ago that it was the girl I had a crush that imagined me asking her out. Which was probably her remembering me asking if she would like to hangout (with no romantic intentions just as friends since I didn't have a crush on her then) a few weeks before.
The result? I guess I'm back to square one.
On to the depression front:
Things have have continued to degrade for me. My home life is pretty shitty as my parents are divorcing without actually having the guts to actually get divorced. My mother has finally realized that "oh shit I probably should start looking for a job" and my Dad is going further and further in debt having to pay the bills she used to pay.
All of this has translated into causing my Dad, who was once one of the strongest forces helping me fight my depression, to become a negative force causing it to become worse. It's like he has given up and now just blames me for my depression because there has to be someone to blame. I'm tired of being called names like "depressie" and "downer boy". I'm tired of being told "you should just think positively and that will fix your problems" or "you should join a club or something". You mean like oh say a mountain bike club or hey how about a homebrewing club...oh wait I guess those don't count for some reason.
My doctor and I are trying yet another new combination of drugs (wellbutron and lexapro).
As for the other part of that phone call from my boss I mentioned above. My boss also mentioned that someone told her that I "seemed kind of depressed and it made her uncomfortable". Given I was nice about it and apologized but frankly I was kind of pissed. I mean I'm pretty damn upbeat at work since I really do like my job and am very happy there. What was worse that someone's first reaction to seeing someone feeling down is to complain that it makes them uncomfortable. Oh well I guess people are really just turning into scum in this town after all.
On to more positive stuff:
The english rock my world. I have become addicted to english magazines on mountain biking and photography because they are just so much better. They actually write stuff about the subject of the magazine! This amazes me to no end.
On a whole other topic:
I have been fighting with a big dilemma since before Christmas (which was kind of crappy all around). I want to get back into photography. I have a list of the gear I want well researched out and have a somewhat reasonable way to pay for it (keyword is somewhat) but I keep questioning if I should.
I mean it is a big chunk of cash but it has been something I've been meaning to get back into. I guess my fear is that I'm not good enough to be a decent photographer. I think it would be helpful if I had someone with a fair amount of knowledge to help me out as I progressed. Since the last time I took a go at taking photos I thought my Dad, who was really into photograph in his youth, would help me and didn't.
Other then that things have been marching forward. I'm back in school (in one class at least, fucking EMU). I'm not sure how that is going actually, I've gotten bad vibes and good vibes, but I'm trying.
Thanks again to XzombieprincessX for being a sweetie pie and checking in to see if everything was going alright.
Don't think people understand it unless they have gone through it themselves. Not the "I'm feeling kinda down so i'm depressed" but the whole black void angle.
I'm really interested in photography also, mostly photographing people though. Just go for it!
Kat xxxx