I'd like to think that I'm not a totally bitter person. That the world hasn't totally crushed my spirit. Yet every day that passes I think brings that closer and closer to being true.
I guess I feel abandoned. Abandoned by people who said they were there for me. By people I tried my best for and went out of my way to make happy and help. I guess I feel that way because whenever it has come to the point where I need help or need someone to make me happy those same people either don't try at all or only try until it takes some work. Parents, teachers, friends...all people who I have tried my best to give every common curtsey, every respect , and have tried to be there when I needed them. Sure they say come to them if I need anything but when I do it's something impossible to handle. Fuck I've had to help people twice my age with problems I had no clue how to fix but I tried to give them what support I could. But when it's my problem people who have told me flat out they know better and more then I do, don't even try. They don't even try when it's their only son. They only what to know whose fault it is.
I've gotten tired of hearing "you shouldn't let it bother you." How do you tell someone that saying that doesn't excuse them from not doing anything to help the problem. Worse that isn't an excuse for someone's actions.
I think that is one of the root causes of my depression. I just want a friend. A true friend that will treat me like a human being and be there for me when I'm down and who I can be there for them when they're down. No tallies or "I did this for you so I expect you to do this for me."
I think the harder I try to be a good friend the more weirder I seem to people. I'm punished for trying to be a good person and think of others. Why does everyone think there is a catch. Why does every girl that I'm nice to out of respect think that I'm working some angle? Why is it when I'm honest about my feelings and tell people straight out rather then stalking around it is that creepy?
Fuck I just need a good friend that will be there for me. Or a girlfriend who doesn't think being cared about is creepy.
Then again those things don't exist.
I guess I feel abandoned. Abandoned by people who said they were there for me. By people I tried my best for and went out of my way to make happy and help. I guess I feel that way because whenever it has come to the point where I need help or need someone to make me happy those same people either don't try at all or only try until it takes some work. Parents, teachers, friends...all people who I have tried my best to give every common curtsey, every respect , and have tried to be there when I needed them. Sure they say come to them if I need anything but when I do it's something impossible to handle. Fuck I've had to help people twice my age with problems I had no clue how to fix but I tried to give them what support I could. But when it's my problem people who have told me flat out they know better and more then I do, don't even try. They don't even try when it's their only son. They only what to know whose fault it is.
I've gotten tired of hearing "you shouldn't let it bother you." How do you tell someone that saying that doesn't excuse them from not doing anything to help the problem. Worse that isn't an excuse for someone's actions.
I think that is one of the root causes of my depression. I just want a friend. A true friend that will treat me like a human being and be there for me when I'm down and who I can be there for them when they're down. No tallies or "I did this for you so I expect you to do this for me."
I think the harder I try to be a good friend the more weirder I seem to people. I'm punished for trying to be a good person and think of others. Why does everyone think there is a catch. Why does every girl that I'm nice to out of respect think that I'm working some angle? Why is it when I'm honest about my feelings and tell people straight out rather then stalking around it is that creepy?
Fuck I just need a good friend that will be there for me. Or a girlfriend who doesn't think being cared about is creepy.
Then again those things don't exist.
tiggie:
What "Tiggie & Eggs" Joke? I completely missed that!
kittykatgone:
Thanks for accepting my friend request! Also your a friend of Tiggie's so YOU ROCK! Kat xxx