Time to output all of those things that have been swirling around me head the past couple of days.
Blah, is all I can say about the past week or so. I'm still feeling about the same in regards to my current situation. It's ok most of the time but then there's those days when things are just...horrible. I've really started to miss Canada. Bits and pieces of Kingston and Toronto I guess. Really it's a case of the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I'm still pretty sure school wise Queen's wouldn't have worked out a second year. Still I miss some of the people and bits of that town.
I guess while I was up there I had forgotten really how bad my parents relationship has become. I could write pages and pages in frustration but after years of being fucked up by them putting me in the middle of their problems I've given up and really don't care. Now I remember why it wasn't too much trouble to move out the last time.
School is school. It's a temporary place that despite my openness hasn't excited me. I want to have at least one person at my school that I can have civilized intelligent conversations with. Yet I don't. Maybe it's a sign from above that the nomadic life is really what is meant for me.
Same with feeling with my love life or the lack of. Of course I gave up long ago of finding a simple nice girl. Now all I want is someone who has something intelligent to say, is a kind person, and isn't totally self centred. Which for some reason has been really hard for me to find. You know I don't ever remember there being a law passed that women have to pretend they know less then they do. Or seeing written somewhere that it's unattractive to be intelligent and independent thinking. Why do so many people think it's too much to ask to want to find a girl I can lay next to and comfort or someone I can just cuddle next to while watching a movie. Someone who can tell me what's on their minds even when none of it makes sense to them. Someone who is willing to listen to me try and figure out my own thought processes and what someone to do the same for them. Given the chance I would give whoever showed themselves as that kind of person my entire being. Everything I have and my full faith would be in their hands.
But I don't really go looking for that type of person anymore. I haven't for a while since I truly believe they are an extinct breed or at least one that is endangered. I take what life passes my way. I keep looking at the passer byers. I see the crowd, I know what the crowd is thinking. On some level I feel for them. They're just a bunch of scared people trying to make sense of a scary world.
Every year that goes by I find out more about my self. Most of the time I hide what I have found out about my inner psychology. Since, well, most people really don't care what is going on in the inner workings of my head. They put in a nice simple labeled cubby and that makes sense to them. Which I don't blame them for, at least most of the time. I've mostly come to terms with being labeled and sorted as the crazy/weird guy. It's a facade they helped build so why can't they enjoy in it's existence.
I guess that's all I have to say for now. Read into how ever you like.
Blah, is all I can say about the past week or so. I'm still feeling about the same in regards to my current situation. It's ok most of the time but then there's those days when things are just...horrible. I've really started to miss Canada. Bits and pieces of Kingston and Toronto I guess. Really it's a case of the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I'm still pretty sure school wise Queen's wouldn't have worked out a second year. Still I miss some of the people and bits of that town.
I guess while I was up there I had forgotten really how bad my parents relationship has become. I could write pages and pages in frustration but after years of being fucked up by them putting me in the middle of their problems I've given up and really don't care. Now I remember why it wasn't too much trouble to move out the last time.
School is school. It's a temporary place that despite my openness hasn't excited me. I want to have at least one person at my school that I can have civilized intelligent conversations with. Yet I don't. Maybe it's a sign from above that the nomadic life is really what is meant for me.
Same with feeling with my love life or the lack of. Of course I gave up long ago of finding a simple nice girl. Now all I want is someone who has something intelligent to say, is a kind person, and isn't totally self centred. Which for some reason has been really hard for me to find. You know I don't ever remember there being a law passed that women have to pretend they know less then they do. Or seeing written somewhere that it's unattractive to be intelligent and independent thinking. Why do so many people think it's too much to ask to want to find a girl I can lay next to and comfort or someone I can just cuddle next to while watching a movie. Someone who can tell me what's on their minds even when none of it makes sense to them. Someone who is willing to listen to me try and figure out my own thought processes and what someone to do the same for them. Given the chance I would give whoever showed themselves as that kind of person my entire being. Everything I have and my full faith would be in their hands.
But I don't really go looking for that type of person anymore. I haven't for a while since I truly believe they are an extinct breed or at least one that is endangered. I take what life passes my way. I keep looking at the passer byers. I see the crowd, I know what the crowd is thinking. On some level I feel for them. They're just a bunch of scared people trying to make sense of a scary world.
Every year that goes by I find out more about my self. Most of the time I hide what I have found out about my inner psychology. Since, well, most people really don't care what is going on in the inner workings of my head. They put in a nice simple labeled cubby and that makes sense to them. Which I don't blame them for, at least most of the time. I've mostly come to terms with being labeled and sorted as the crazy/weird guy. It's a facade they helped build so why can't they enjoy in it's existence.
I guess that's all I have to say for now. Read into how ever you like.