jackiemoon24

Well I am leaving to drive back to Chicago in eight days, but I am torn. I have been dating a beautiful, sweet young lady for the past few months. I know that isn't a long time but I am not ready for it to end. I have been away from my family for five years now. These last few years have been extremely trying and very hard on my family. I am ready to finally see them and reconnect with my brother. I continue to try and convince myself that this wouldn't have worked out well, but I am heartbroken. We really do have a great time together and I am sure that I will find my niche in Chicago again, but it has been so long that I have been back there that I feel like it is a new world. All my previous friends are living the exact same lives and it is not something I want to be a part of. That is part of the reason I moved away to Chicago. I asked her where we stand and her response was "When you leave, it's over". I know it hurt her and still does though. I think we both have a lot of feelings that always remain unsaid. I feel like I am being very selfish but at the same time my brother comes first and foremost in my life. Every time I think about it, it hurts. I hate when people tell me that it was bad timing and good things will come. I am lucky to have made the memories and shared the experiences I have with her. I have grown so much as a person and I am proud of the man I have become. I feel like the next step for me is to finish school and be with my brother. Am I being selfish? Sorry for venting, but thanks for listening.