So I guess I'll get this out in my journal, hoping that I feel less worried, sad & alone...
I've had 4 separate dreams this week
(more like nightmares I suppose),
of my dad overdosing on heroin....last night was a freaky one, because I was in my parents old house in buena park(in reality today they are on the street) & I found my dad in the garage all bloody & scraped up....and he was out of it, either dead or almost.
Then for some weird ass reason (dreams can be so strange!) firefighters burst in & took him away into the darkness....and at that point I awoke. Awoke wishing these freaky nightmares would end....and wondering where my dad is right now, and maybe he really has overdosed again recently & I'm somehow getting these telepathic vibes or intuition into his world.
Yeah, folks...my dad (actually both my mom & dad) are junkies & have been since I was about 10yrs. old. And, yes it's nothing new to think they could be close to real death, but it sucks so very bad just the same!
I've been out of their lives since I was about 19-20....because I hated being around them seeing they're past rock-bottom & they're not gonna quit druggin'. They seem to not want help...and they stay in that state of "gotta get high, gotta find a way to get the money to".
I am the only female sibling & have 4 brothers, 3 of whom are pretty normal & have decent lives now but whom I barely speak to (they think I'm the one to hate because my dad always treated me best when we were kids & physically abused them when he was drunk and/or high) and the 2nd to oldest, Matt, who is about 30 yrs. old now, has also been a druggie (tweeker) for years & he's just been released from some prison up north in Cali...but I don't stay in contact with him either....because he just wants a place to crash or money from me & I'm not having that negativity in my life!
Very depressing it all is.
I'm happy I have my loving husband & our son & a nice home life now.....BUT who can ever completely forget about their family & upbringing?!
I wish I could just wave a magic wand... making them want some help & to stay clean.
Sorry for this depressing journal entry, but I so needed to vent my thoughts & feelings. Hope you're all understanding towards it.
Well, I'm off to bed...please cross your fingers for me that I don't have anymore nightmares about my dad. Thanx.
I've had 4 separate dreams this week
(more like nightmares I suppose),
of my dad overdosing on heroin....last night was a freaky one, because I was in my parents old house in buena park(in reality today they are on the street) & I found my dad in the garage all bloody & scraped up....and he was out of it, either dead or almost.
Then for some weird ass reason (dreams can be so strange!) firefighters burst in & took him away into the darkness....and at that point I awoke. Awoke wishing these freaky nightmares would end....and wondering where my dad is right now, and maybe he really has overdosed again recently & I'm somehow getting these telepathic vibes or intuition into his world.
Yeah, folks...my dad (actually both my mom & dad) are junkies & have been since I was about 10yrs. old. And, yes it's nothing new to think they could be close to real death, but it sucks so very bad just the same!
I've been out of their lives since I was about 19-20....because I hated being around them seeing they're past rock-bottom & they're not gonna quit druggin'. They seem to not want help...and they stay in that state of "gotta get high, gotta find a way to get the money to".
I am the only female sibling & have 4 brothers, 3 of whom are pretty normal & have decent lives now but whom I barely speak to (they think I'm the one to hate because my dad always treated me best when we were kids & physically abused them when he was drunk and/or high) and the 2nd to oldest, Matt, who is about 30 yrs. old now, has also been a druggie (tweeker) for years & he's just been released from some prison up north in Cali...but I don't stay in contact with him either....because he just wants a place to crash or money from me & I'm not having that negativity in my life!
Very depressing it all is.
I'm happy I have my loving husband & our son & a nice home life now.....BUT who can ever completely forget about their family & upbringing?!
I wish I could just wave a magic wand... making them want some help & to stay clean.
Sorry for this depressing journal entry, but I so needed to vent my thoughts & feelings. Hope you're all understanding towards it.
Well, I'm off to bed...please cross your fingers for me that I don't have anymore nightmares about my dad. Thanx.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
neelyohara:
It's good to express those feelings. Have you ever seen a therapist? Therapy does wonders.
tattednproud:
I am sorry to hear about the dreams at least you are strong enough to accept what is going on and not let it bring you down every day
at least you are strong enough to accept what is going on and not let it bring you down every day