jackd

So, I woke up at the hearty hour of Noon-O-Clock, and decide to pay respect to the Bongitor From Another World , and decide to pick up the mail. I had a mission, to drop off a bill, and to discover the purpose behind the mysterious piece of yellow cardstock paper that was happened upon in my mailbox before the weekends demise. This yellow cardstock was placed to inform me that as a postal patron, I was hereby notified that I had a piece of mail that was either A. Too Big For Your Mailbox.
B. Was Sent With Insufficient Postage.
C. Requires Your Signature Upon Delivery.
Well, determined to find the meaning behind this and put suspiscions to rest, your narrator trekked down to the post office in hot, humid, Middle Of Nowhere, Iowa, only to discover, the postal clerk was away at lunch. The Devious Swine! So, I mail the bill, and get what portion of my mail that I could. Instead of finding the true meaning behind the yellow notice, your narrator was quickly distracted by the new issue of Rolling Stone. After a retreat back to the domicile and shrugging defeat aside, I read into my new issue of Rolling Stone while the soap operas run in the background, since I have no cable. 20 or so minutes pass, my cousin wakes, we pay respects to Bongitor From Another World. After a cigarette and some GTA 3.....Making a CLEAN 2nd attempt, no cheats or trickery straight gameplay for the coveted 100%.....I make a 2nd venture down to the post office, to discover the meaning of the yellow notice card. Sure enough, I hear the Mailman whistling inside, and heeds my approach indoors. "You the man?" He asks. "You Bet Your Sweet Mailman Ass I Am!" I respond. I hand him the yellow card and brace for the worst, like I did with that Stupid Deer I hit last week. Much to my dismay, he turns around, bends over, and hefts this large box to the counter, and says "All for you!" Shocked and Bewildered, I look for a return address, but didn't find one right away, so I leave. When I returned home, I looked for the return address, and it's from Marlboro......
"CONGRATULATIONS, THANKS FOR ENTERING OUR CONTEST."

"WOW", I think, "That was a fuckin year ago!" So I open the box, look inside, and find a big black bundle of rubber. I'm thinking, ok, I got an inflatable mattress, wooo. Upon further inspection, I find a plastic bag with plastic and metal in it, so I pull it out. This bag contained all the parts neccesary to construct.....believe it or not....2 full size oars. I won a full sized, $200 fishing raft with complete with it's own foot pump 3 person or 450 lb. capacity, and is capable of holding a 2 hp motor for propulsion. Well, Holy Hell, I gots me a brand new drinkin'/smokin' boat! After some troubles inflating it, I misplaced valve caps... ...my new boat looks great. I'm thinking I'll break it in with the official "Float'N'Toke" sometime this week, and things will be good.