WELL......I had quite the memorial day weekend, if I do say so myself. Saturday, I had to wake my ass up at the butt-crack of dawn-5 a.m., so I could go to work and prevent myself from being poor. Well, halfway to work, just as I'm leaving the boonies of middle of nowhere back to the civilization of the city, A Goddamn-Stupid-As-Fucking-Hell-Idiot-Ass-Death-Wishing-Deer jumped out of nowhere right in front of my beautiful car. So, instead of my life flashing before my eyes at the moment of impact, I'm sitting there, in my car, in that split second, thinking "Dammit, Now I'm gonna be late for work." 
Fortunatley for your hero, the deer had just started it's run across the road, and my beautiful ride suffered little damage. However, when I hit the stupid shit, I hit it in the head with my driver-side headlight. So, my headlight, headlight assembly, and headlight mounting bracket is no more. Just a gaping hole. My hood is crumpled just where the headlight met the hood, and needs replacing, since I can't put a new lamp in since it's so folded and twisted. The deer also further stripped the paint off my bumper and put a 3-4 in crack in the corner, which surprised the shit out of me, since I thought the entire bumper would have crumbled at the slightest tap. And, last, but certainley not least, as I hit the deer in the head, it rolled off my car directly into my fender, totaling my fender, but not before I took a 5 lb. chunk of meat and fat out of it's ass and it spewed poo all over my car. 
When I got out to look at the damage, rather than being pissed, I for some reason thought of Dumb and Dumberer, particularly the scene where Bob Saget hits Harry covered in mud, gets out of the car, and starts screaming "There's Shit All Over My Car! You Shit All Over My Car!". The car was and is still drivable, but at the time of the accident, the fender was so badly smashed in, that my plastic wheelwell was jutting out and cutting into my tire. So, I make the 1/2 mile drive at a mighty 5 mph to park in a dairy queen parking lot, parked my car, and proceeded to call for a ride to work, then my insurance, and the local sherriff. Needless to say, I made it to work a half hour late, had to come back to ix my fender and pull the deer meat out from in between my fender and door, took it to the wash to get all the poo off, and drove home. Now, my beautiful car looks like it has a big black eye 
after getting it's ass kicked by a stupid, self-preservation lacking retard slut whore deer. Insurance won't pay for it, but that's ok, I'm only lookin at $50 for a fender, $1-200 for a hood, and who knows how much more for the whole headlight shebang. All in all, about $500 or less. Anyway, I've rabbled for long enough, time to go back exacting my revenge on the worthless stupid species known as deer. 
Fortunatley for your hero, the deer had just started it's run across the road, and my beautiful ride suffered little damage. However, when I hit the stupid shit, I hit it in the head with my driver-side headlight. So, my headlight, headlight assembly, and headlight mounting bracket is no more. Just a gaping hole. My hood is crumpled just where the headlight met the hood, and needs replacing, since I can't put a new lamp in since it's so folded and twisted. The deer also further stripped the paint off my bumper and put a 3-4 in crack in the corner, which surprised the shit out of me, since I thought the entire bumper would have crumbled at the slightest tap. And, last, but certainley not least, as I hit the deer in the head, it rolled off my car directly into my fender, totaling my fender, but not before I took a 5 lb. chunk of meat and fat out of it's ass and it spewed poo all over my car. When I got out to look at the damage, rather than being pissed, I for some reason thought of Dumb and Dumberer, particularly the scene where Bob Saget hits Harry covered in mud, gets out of the car, and starts screaming "There's Shit All Over My Car! You Shit All Over My Car!". The car was and is still drivable, but at the time of the accident, the fender was so badly smashed in, that my plastic wheelwell was jutting out and cutting into my tire. So, I make the 1/2 mile drive at a mighty 5 mph to park in a dairy queen parking lot, parked my car, and proceeded to call for a ride to work, then my insurance, and the local sherriff. Needless to say, I made it to work a half hour late, had to come back to ix my fender and pull the deer meat out from in between my fender and door, took it to the wash to get all the poo off, and drove home. Now, my beautiful car looks like it has a big black eye after getting it's ass kicked by a stupid, self-preservation lacking retard slut whore deer. Insurance won't pay for it, but that's ok, I'm only lookin at $50 for a fender, $1-200 for a hood, and who knows how much more for the whole headlight shebang. All in all, about $500 or less. Anyway, I've rabbled for long enough, time to go back exacting my revenge on the worthless stupid species known as deer. VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
roxxee:
Damn deers.
jackd:
I Know. Friggin Ridiculous, eh?