I feel a little better about myself. I have been doing yoga and going to the gym. I've lost about 20 pounds (even though that was probably to much and due to depression) so I figure I might as well get back into the shape I used to be in before I was ina relationship. I still want her back but I know I can't do that yet. I have to fix myself before I can give it another go. I know what we had before had kind of fizzled out and I don't want to get right back into that. We both have to be in a place where we appreciate each other again.
She is still with one of my (former) best friends. It still hurts me a lot to know I've ben replaced, especially by someone that's not that attractive but has more money and a nicer car. Seems shallow doesn't it? However, In Fairbanks you need money to do anything remotely entertaining unless you are into just hanging out in -20 weather outside. The other thing that really sucks is he is in one of my favorite local bands and every time I go to the show to see all my other friends (they are very popular) he's there and inevitably she will show up. this means either I start drinking heavily or leave. Unfortunately, last time she showed up at the show she came to see me. Of course I didn't know this and assumed the worst and got really drunk, didn't talk to her and left quickly when she wasn't paying attention. Oops.
Anyway, now that I am acting more myself and self confident around her, she is acting less confident and gets depressed when she sees me. I am not sure what this means. Maybe she finally misses me and regrets leaving me now that she's had a little fun, or maybe it's something else. I still love her so much but I have to keep my distance or I go back into a downward spiral. It's so hard to not seek out the woman I spent every day of the past six years with but I know when I find her I won't be happy about who she is with or what she is doing. I think she needs to see me strong instead of depressed and pathetic in order for her to want me again. I figure either way I have to build myself back up. By the time I am back to myself maybe I won't want to be with her anymore, but in order to find out I have to work on myself first.
if you have any advice I'd love to hear it. I am kind of just feeling around in the dark at this point.
She is still with one of my (former) best friends. It still hurts me a lot to know I've ben replaced, especially by someone that's not that attractive but has more money and a nicer car. Seems shallow doesn't it? However, In Fairbanks you need money to do anything remotely entertaining unless you are into just hanging out in -20 weather outside. The other thing that really sucks is he is in one of my favorite local bands and every time I go to the show to see all my other friends (they are very popular) he's there and inevitably she will show up. this means either I start drinking heavily or leave. Unfortunately, last time she showed up at the show she came to see me. Of course I didn't know this and assumed the worst and got really drunk, didn't talk to her and left quickly when she wasn't paying attention. Oops.
Anyway, now that I am acting more myself and self confident around her, she is acting less confident and gets depressed when she sees me. I am not sure what this means. Maybe she finally misses me and regrets leaving me now that she's had a little fun, or maybe it's something else. I still love her so much but I have to keep my distance or I go back into a downward spiral. It's so hard to not seek out the woman I spent every day of the past six years with but I know when I find her I won't be happy about who she is with or what she is doing. I think she needs to see me strong instead of depressed and pathetic in order for her to want me again. I figure either way I have to build myself back up. By the time I am back to myself maybe I won't want to be with her anymore, but in order to find out I have to work on myself first.
if you have any advice I'd love to hear it. I am kind of just feeling around in the dark at this point.