jace

This most recent episode with the girl has really been eye opening for me.

I've had a single serious relationship and a series of not-so-serious ones in my life. The serious one lasted 3.5 years, 2.5 of which we lived together. By the end of it neither one of us was happy with the situation or with the other person, and the decision to end it was completely mutual. The not-so-serious ones were either too brief to really call relationships, or I ended them for some reason.

So, one of the things that this brought to light a few things. One, I've never been dumped. I've either done the dumping or it's been mutual. Two, I've never really "dated" a girl for very long. I tend to fall hard for people, and I either attract people who have the same habits or I inspire those habits in people, because I tend to get myself into relationships quickly. I've never had one of those situations where you're "seeing someone" for an extended period of time, like months. I'm either not interested in the person and I move on, or I'm interested in the person and after a few weeks we're seeing each other every day.

I don't think this is good. My mother has the same problem, and it's affected her life in some pretty major ways. She's uprooted and moved to be with people she's only known for a few months. I'd never be so impulsive or stupid, but I can see myself beginning to mirror that behavior.

So I think my next "thing" with a girl, I'm going to do my very best to keep it casual. I only want to "date" right now. I don't want to see someone seriously, or get into another exclusive relationship, until I've really stepped back and taken a good look at the situation. Falling so quickly into something so serious has some weird side effects. It's hard to judge things when you're head over heels for someone. I think I really need to work on keeping my distance and establishing healthy boundaries, in the interest of learning something about myself and my heart.

In the meantime, though, I sure would like to fuck someone.