Back in my high school days and my first few years in college, I knew a girl on the Internet by the name of Deanne. All I knew about Deanne was that she was older than me by some measure of years, she lived in Florida, she had a tiny little mouse voice, she and her parents were French (at least her Dad was), and she and I were both into sexual role-playing on AOL. I don't know if there's as much of a scene there now as there was when I was younger, but a few years ago there was a little corner of the AOL chat rooms devoted to nothing but explicit, sexual role-playing, via chat rooms and instant messages. It was a rather big social scene and community, and it was easy to meet people. I had a revolving door of 20 or so people that I would RP and talk with. They got to be friends as well as sexual interests, and to be honest, this type of sexual communication was really my first stab at anything really sexual with another person.
Over the course of RPing with Deanne, which lasted several years, she developed a pretty strong interest in me. Back then I was into role-playing a dominant character and she was into submissive characters, and we let these fantasies spill into our real life. It got to the point where we never used characters anymore - it was basically cyber sex. Really good, long, narrative, explicitly descriptive cyber sex. Then we moved to phone sex, and that lasted for a while. I vividly remember me being up around 4:00 in the morning, her around 7:00 (in Florida), and us having phone sex until she had to get ready for work. Then she took the phone in the shower with her and masturbated for me in the shower. I could hear the water running. It was one of the most shocking sexual moments of my life at that point, and it's probably something I'll never forget.
I also remember noting, possibly for the first time, that this much older woman had a little more than a passing, flirtatious, playful interest in me if she was willing to take her cordless phone into the shower - something I would never consider, because it seemed too odd. I remember thinking, "She's taking her phone into the shower for me. That's... weird."
Anyway. This interest grew and grew, and it got to the point where she was asking to fly out to California for my high school graduation, wanting to live with me when I moved out of my parents house, things like that. I didn't share this interest. Even at 17 I could tell this was abnormal. As far as I could tell she was completely serious. This was a woman in her late 20's, with a good paying job and a college degree, who could actually afford to move out here if she wanted to. From the way she talked about these things, she did want to. I could tell that the relationship was getting to be unhealthy, despite how cool having a much older woman use your body for sex at a mere 17 years old sounds. So, one day, I just took her off my AOL buddy list and stopped talking to her. I made it to where she couldn't tell if I was online or offline, and the communication was severed, then and there. I never heard from her again.
In hindsight, that probably wasn't the best way to end things. I probably should have let her know that I wasn't interested, that I thought she was taking things to a level I didn't want to pursue, etc. and let her down as gently as I could. But I didn't want to do that, because I had a feeling it would really hurt her, in a very serious way. I figured if I just stopped talking to her, it would take time for the realization that I was no longer available to set in, and that would allow her to take it more gradually. Either way, we stopped talking completely and suddenly. That was about 4 years ago.
Well... it's been 4 years, and my curiosity is getting the best of me. I can't sleep right now. I keep wondering where she is, what she's doing, and whether or not she still remembers me. I would really like to talk to her again, despite how much of a bad idea this probably is. Problem is, I don't really have any way of finding her. All I know is the screen names she used to talk to me, her first name, the fact that her last name was French, the fact that she used to live in Florida, and some other really minor details about her.
This is going to be one of those things that just nags and nags at me forever. I can feel it.
Over the course of RPing with Deanne, which lasted several years, she developed a pretty strong interest in me. Back then I was into role-playing a dominant character and she was into submissive characters, and we let these fantasies spill into our real life. It got to the point where we never used characters anymore - it was basically cyber sex. Really good, long, narrative, explicitly descriptive cyber sex. Then we moved to phone sex, and that lasted for a while. I vividly remember me being up around 4:00 in the morning, her around 7:00 (in Florida), and us having phone sex until she had to get ready for work. Then she took the phone in the shower with her and masturbated for me in the shower. I could hear the water running. It was one of the most shocking sexual moments of my life at that point, and it's probably something I'll never forget.
I also remember noting, possibly for the first time, that this much older woman had a little more than a passing, flirtatious, playful interest in me if she was willing to take her cordless phone into the shower - something I would never consider, because it seemed too odd. I remember thinking, "She's taking her phone into the shower for me. That's... weird."
Anyway. This interest grew and grew, and it got to the point where she was asking to fly out to California for my high school graduation, wanting to live with me when I moved out of my parents house, things like that. I didn't share this interest. Even at 17 I could tell this was abnormal. As far as I could tell she was completely serious. This was a woman in her late 20's, with a good paying job and a college degree, who could actually afford to move out here if she wanted to. From the way she talked about these things, she did want to. I could tell that the relationship was getting to be unhealthy, despite how cool having a much older woman use your body for sex at a mere 17 years old sounds. So, one day, I just took her off my AOL buddy list and stopped talking to her. I made it to where she couldn't tell if I was online or offline, and the communication was severed, then and there. I never heard from her again.
In hindsight, that probably wasn't the best way to end things. I probably should have let her know that I wasn't interested, that I thought she was taking things to a level I didn't want to pursue, etc. and let her down as gently as I could. But I didn't want to do that, because I had a feeling it would really hurt her, in a very serious way. I figured if I just stopped talking to her, it would take time for the realization that I was no longer available to set in, and that would allow her to take it more gradually. Either way, we stopped talking completely and suddenly. That was about 4 years ago.
Well... it's been 4 years, and my curiosity is getting the best of me. I can't sleep right now. I keep wondering where she is, what she's doing, and whether or not she still remembers me. I would really like to talk to her again, despite how much of a bad idea this probably is. Problem is, I don't really have any way of finding her. All I know is the screen names she used to talk to me, her first name, the fact that her last name was French, the fact that she used to live in Florida, and some other really minor details about her.
This is going to be one of those things that just nags and nags at me forever. I can feel it.