jablesmcnugent

I've done a lot of thinking lately. Just thinking about everything, you know. The "what if's" and "woulda shoulda coulda's." I've been in eau claire for 4 months now, and I've got nothing to show for it. I've spent almost the whole time in my apartment. I don't know if its because I'm afraid to start my new life, or whatever, but damn, idk.

I feel like such an ass today. I have been draining my dad's bank account cuz I can't find a job. Let me rephrase that. I have only applied for two jobs since I moved here in june. Now I owe a lot of money in past due bills, my cable is shut off, my dad told me that I need to find the money to cover whatever I need to pay for this month. So tomorrow I'm going through the phonebook and making lots of calls to find out if anybody is hiring. I was so stupid when I was in high school. I worked a few jobs, and only did really good in one of them. But I've been fired from most jobs, and that doesn't help in trying to find a new job here.

I hope that employers will understand me when i say that people change. I was going through an akward time in high school, and now I have my shit worked out and I am more than ready to work the shit out of whatever job I can get. I am sick of doing things fucking half-assed.

Today was like some sort of epiphany. For the first time in a long time, I spent extra time at school working on a project to make sure I get an "A". I just figured that from now on, I'm going to do my absolute best at whatever is placed in my path. I'm no longer going to be so selfish and slack off just to do something that won't benefit me in some way or another.

I signed up to work for ACT (america coming together) today. $9/hour just to encourage people to vote. Not a bad job, too bad its not a year round deal.

No cable, soon if i dont pay my electric bill, thats going to get turned off. My cell phone bill is also a month late, so that will end up getitng turned off, so if I apply for jobs, what the fuck am I going to do?

I'm going back to Wausau this weekend to visit a friend and just smoke good pot and drink like a motherfucker so I can forget about all my problems for a few days. I think I'm going to bring whatever I don't need to a pawn shop and see how much money I can get. I HAVE to find some money and SOON.

I'm almost to the point of asking one of my brothers to help me out, but they have all been so good to me lately, I just don't want to ask them for money. They have their own problems, why should I involve them in mine? Its time for me to stand up for myself and say "hey damnit! im a person, and I can survive on my own!"

So this is the start of my new life in my new town. No more slacking off, no more not giving a shit, no more! From now on im sticking to what I believe in, working harder than everybody else, and just being a damn good human being, because we need a lot more of those these days.

Thanks to SG for giving me a place to rant and talk about my feelings, and also for giving me something to do all day since I don't have cable. SG is a religion!