"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality by not dying."
--Woody Allen
Being in the possession of a video camera is making me think of other things I've genuinely never given much thought about before. Like how I'm going to be remembered after I die and what my place will be in this world a hundred years from now. What will my friends see when they look back on my image when they're old? How will I see my young self when I'm an old man.
Making movies makes me think about death.
I hope this isn't an epiphany. I've been suspicious of epiphanies ever since I've realized they usually stem from a lot of pain. Difficult life lessons finally learned. Lessons I should have picked up from saturday morning cartoons or from my dad. But I've been thinking about what I do and do not have the ability to do with my life. Things that I should be responsible for that I haven't given much thought about other than the ones that lead to depression: why haven't I read certain books? why did I never learn to drive a car? How come I never learned to dress myself properly? Why am I wasting my money and my time in this world on cigarettes (again?)
Knowing things like that may lead to better movies. And focussing my life more on a certain point (writing, making movies... I'm too shy to call it all "art" just yet) will inevitably lead to me being a better person. A smarter, stronger Jordan Scrivner.
All this is sounding very utilitarian, which is a philosophy that has always scared me a little. I'm actually quite fond of uselessness. But maybe it's time I let go of that particular part of my life. Maybe it's time I stop looking at my flaws as charming in some way but, instead, exploit them to better ends.
Today the can-opener broke in my hands like some kind of low-budget Charlie Chaplin movie. Instead of setting it aside and accepting it as broke, or finding someone who knew what the fuck he was doing, I gave it some thought and looked at the problem and fixed it myself. Because being able to fix things will lead to experience and me being able to handle it when things go wrong on the set. If it's true that art imitates life, then maybe it's time I become more of an artist in the world of life. Not the evil, sophisticated artist of snobbery, but a true, genuine artist. One that's not afraid to get dirt under his fingernails for his work. One who's not doing what he does because he thinks it looks stylish or to make money or even to get laid. But for the true masterful joy of DOING IT and getting it done and showing it to all friends and fathers and saying "Look... Look what I made... Look what I can do..."
--Woody Allen
Being in the possession of a video camera is making me think of other things I've genuinely never given much thought about before. Like how I'm going to be remembered after I die and what my place will be in this world a hundred years from now. What will my friends see when they look back on my image when they're old? How will I see my young self when I'm an old man.
Making movies makes me think about death.
I hope this isn't an epiphany. I've been suspicious of epiphanies ever since I've realized they usually stem from a lot of pain. Difficult life lessons finally learned. Lessons I should have picked up from saturday morning cartoons or from my dad. But I've been thinking about what I do and do not have the ability to do with my life. Things that I should be responsible for that I haven't given much thought about other than the ones that lead to depression: why haven't I read certain books? why did I never learn to drive a car? How come I never learned to dress myself properly? Why am I wasting my money and my time in this world on cigarettes (again?)
Knowing things like that may lead to better movies. And focussing my life more on a certain point (writing, making movies... I'm too shy to call it all "art" just yet) will inevitably lead to me being a better person. A smarter, stronger Jordan Scrivner.
All this is sounding very utilitarian, which is a philosophy that has always scared me a little. I'm actually quite fond of uselessness. But maybe it's time I let go of that particular part of my life. Maybe it's time I stop looking at my flaws as charming in some way but, instead, exploit them to better ends.
Today the can-opener broke in my hands like some kind of low-budget Charlie Chaplin movie. Instead of setting it aside and accepting it as broke, or finding someone who knew what the fuck he was doing, I gave it some thought and looked at the problem and fixed it myself. Because being able to fix things will lead to experience and me being able to handle it when things go wrong on the set. If it's true that art imitates life, then maybe it's time I become more of an artist in the world of life. Not the evil, sophisticated artist of snobbery, but a true, genuine artist. One that's not afraid to get dirt under his fingernails for his work. One who's not doing what he does because he thinks it looks stylish or to make money or even to get laid. But for the true masterful joy of DOING IT and getting it done and showing it to all friends and fathers and saying "Look... Look what I made... Look what I can do..."
nic:
I think you're taking life too seriously. Grab yourself a drink and whack the pinata, cos who knows when the party's gonna end.