j3nn

Ever feel like something you have done in the attempt to make things better might not be that at all? I moved to CA 2 years ago because it is my 'home' it is where I want to be. I moved into my grandmothers house to help her out AND to help me get back on my feet. Well I feel like I am back on my feet and have started to look for a place of my own to live. I knew it was expensive here but until I actually ran the numbers ... debt to income ratios and what I can afford I realized that I will NEVER be a home owner again if I stay in the state of CA and that depresses me SO MUCH!!! I can rent I guess but I don't want to be in an apartment. I have taken so many steps backwards in the last several years and it is really starting to get to me. My son and I really need our own space to go to. We need to be able to feel at home with our things and I need to have the responsibility of supporting the two of us. But going from being a home and business owner to no business and downsizing the home to pay off people my exboyfriend left in debt to No house and living 'back at home' again to finish paying off a debt that wasn't even mine... to renting again. it is as if I were 18 again and now when i leave home it will be starting over by renting a place and then maybe buying again SOMEDAY. :::sigh::: I just want to cry! I know it could be a lot worse but it is so frustrating to have to start over to the extent I have in the past few years I am thankful that I have had family to let me stay with them but the rest just makes me mad and want to scream!!! Men that can do things like take you for everything you have while trying to convince you that they love you should be shot! AGHAGHAGHAGHAGHAGHAGHAGHAGHAGHAGHAGHAGHAGHAGH (that was screaming incase you were wondering)