j2lo

alright so i feel like sharing my deployment insight with anyone who wants to know anything. if you think it's easy to go and do what we do, you're absolutely wrong. even with all the training we get before hand, nothing, just like with sex, nothing is like the true real act. with war, especially with the people we are at war with right now, there's no such thing as a fair fight. there is no fair war. when i first got into country, i was completely paranoid... first times are like that i guess, and not knowing the place and being told by my CSM that someone died in his living quarters just a month before where i was supposed to sleep. he got blown up by a direct hit by a motar. he was talking to his wife when the motar hit. you see the thoughts going through your head? now imagine being in my boots, and having to go home at night and know i could get blown up even being on a 'safe' fob. there's no such thing as safe out there... shit happens, constantly. on new years, my fob got hit with three mortars, and it was the first time we saw 'action'. it has continued since, and it was really hard to sleep. not knowing i guess... paranoia. well. when i got back to the States due to a training injury, i woke up several times during the night because i would have nightmares and i wouldn't recognize where i was... and this happened for about two weeks. i know that some people suffer from this for a longer period of time, and trust me, it's not easy... but it's managable. being able to talk and explain what happens and what goes on in one's mind really helps. most people don't understand what i mean when i say i need to shut off the switch. it's that natural defense fight or flight thing. or heightened awareness or overactive imagination. i have a lot of friends out there that won't have a clue what i'm talking about until they get back... but at least i'll be able to understand when i get a txt or a call @ 0230 in the morning with somone asking me.. ''is this real am i here is my phone really working??'' yeah... i did that... well that's just the mental comeback... i'll write more tomorrow on a different topic