i'm not sure what sparked it....well a few little things....and the fact that my ex won't stop calling and that i just feel so damn lonely (which rationally i shouldn't feel too lonely since i am being social and all)....i am really fucking depressed right now. the pain is sinking in. i feel like there really isn't anyone who REALLY cares for me. I don't REALLY know anyone. I feel so alone. especially living alone. man...i just want this to end. I don't even want to go anywhere...and i know that is all i need right now. I hate it when I get like this. All I need is somebody right now and I'm too afraid to fucking reach out and ask for it. This always happens. I'm always all polite and like...whatever...(haha-valleygirl) when it comes to me (well most of the time)and then i end up feeling like i don't get my needs met...i end up taking care of other people. BUT at the same time...I fucking whine all the time...SO I really can't tell. All I know is I am really unhappy. I wonder if I shouldn't type this shit...or document when I am this upset...but it really does help me to understand my problems better and if you can't accept me and be friends with me than fuck you. You have no idea. I am feeling so abandoned. I guess I've never really really done the break up thing and followed through. I really really wonder if I can do it and be okay. I also wonder if it is all about that. I don't think that's it. WHATEVER. no more of my bullshit today. WANT A HAPPY ENTRY. Look at my last one. THE END.