Thanks everyone for their kind, kind words.....I realize I have been rather depressing lately. I am really sorry for that. I don't know how to be other than honest. That is just the way I am. Sometimes a little to honest. 
I tell people a lot about myself- I seem selfish at times it seems. Shit- nobody really talks to me about my problems and concerns in real life other than my therapist and he gets paid. 
Makes me feel a bit neglected. Oh well. I guess you can't change the fact that you have no real parents. Nobody who acted like a parent, at least.
So, tonight there is a "get together" at my girlfriend's house. I am feeling sick though and I'm not sure if I should go.
My throat is sore....and my head hurts and I am feelin super yucky. BUT...I want to go out... 
I guess I will decide later. I think I'll take a hot shower and a nap...I DO need to go to the laundromat to. FUCK I hate the laundromat 
...
I feel like I usually don't cry much anymore because I am pretty strong- ya know- I have been through hell and back with my family and school and drugs and my relationship and my brain....and money---i try not to complain---i am aware there are always people who have it worse- but i just feel like today i can't deal anymore- maybe it's because i'm sick and i feel so damn unloved. I mean i don't even really talk to anyone as much as i used to because i am losing confidence. ---the thing is----pay close attention-- when i am not depressed i won't even notice the problems that seem so huge at the moment. make sense? (note: reading my journal is a way to understand what it is like to live in the head of a person with a mood disorder--)
I am feeling really vulnerable lately because of many things having to do with my relationship. I don't want to talk about them because I feel like I do to much. I have avoided him and talking or thinking about it a lot lately. I know it's going to bite me in the ass later and it will hurt a lot. Sometimes I wish I had a new boyfriend. Someone who cared for me, respects me and doesn't judge me. I just want to be able to trust people and relate to people. I don't feel like I will ever be able to do that again and it really stinks. Sometimes I feel so alone and like I can't ever bull myself out of this bullshit and I am realizing how pussy this all sounds
Anyways---I am a senstive bastard.
VIVA LA 1:05
(had to lighten the mood a bit)
old pic of me
I tell people a lot about myself- I seem selfish at times it seems. Shit- nobody really talks to me about my problems and concerns in real life other than my therapist and he gets paid. Makes me feel a bit neglected. Oh well. I guess you can't change the fact that you have no real parents. Nobody who acted like a parent, at least.
So, tonight there is a "get together" at my girlfriend's house. I am feeling sick though and I'm not sure if I should go.
My throat is sore....and my head hurts and I am feelin super yucky. BUT...I want to go out... I guess I will decide later. I think I'll take a hot shower and a nap...I DO need to go to the laundromat to. FUCK I hate the laundromat ...
I feel like I usually don't cry much anymore because I am pretty strong- ya know- I have been through hell and back with my family and school and drugs and my relationship and my brain....and money---i try not to complain---i am aware there are always people who have it worse- but i just feel like today i can't deal anymore- maybe it's because i'm sick and i feel so damn unloved. I mean i don't even really talk to anyone as much as i used to because i am losing confidence. ---the thing is----pay close attention-- when i am not depressed i won't even notice the problems that seem so huge at the moment. make sense? (note: reading my journal is a way to understand what it is like to live in the head of a person with a mood disorder--)
I am feeling really vulnerable lately because of many things having to do with my relationship. I don't want to talk about them because I feel like I do to much. I have avoided him and talking or thinking about it a lot lately. I know it's going to bite me in the ass later and it will hurt a lot. Sometimes I wish I had a new boyfriend. Someone who cared for me, respects me and doesn't judge me. I just want to be able to trust people and relate to people. I don't feel like I will ever be able to do that again and it really stinks. Sometimes I feel so alone and like I can't ever bull myself out of this bullshit and I am realizing how pussy this all sounds
Anyways---I am a senstive bastard.
VIVA LA 1:05
(had to lighten the mood a bit)
old pic of me
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
In reponse to your last journal, I just wanted to add my voice to the many others... You are gorgeous!!!
Viva La 1:05!