itsabecky

so it's kind of odd how one small even can mess up your whole life for a little while.

sunday morning i'm sleeping and i get woken up by a text message on my cell phone from a guy i was seeing for a little bit over the summer. all it said was, "merry x-mas" nothing more, nothing less. but it got me thinking about him and over analizing everything. it got me thinking about why he hasnt called me since he went to college and how i miss spending time with him. which then led to remembering the comments my family was making on christmas about me being single for so long. it's only been since march. is that a long time? and then all of this led to me thinking about how this time last year i was practically engaged and i screwed it all up. so sunday night at work i was playing the role of "senorita grumpy-pants"

then this morning my sister tells me how she is so excited that i'm going back to school. and just as i'm starting to feel proud of myself too, she tells me that she knows that i'm going to meet my husband at college. i feel so pressured now. i'm not good with pressure. i tend to act like a deer in headlights when pressured.

my mind just wont stop working and thinking over things. one thing always leads to another. and it usually turns into me thinking about how i fucked up the best relationship that i've ever had and that i'll probably be alone for ever.

*Note: to anyone that acctually sat there and read all of that; i'm sorry. i just had a lot of shit that i needed to vent somewhere. the sad part is that it's not even half of what i have on my plate right now. ..... grrrr....