Despite having a good couple of nights out this week its been pretty bad in all.
Had one of those work weeks where you just do not want to be there, and everything revolves around watching the clock roll onto the time you get to sign out and go home. Don't know why, don't care, as of monday I am looking for a new job, i need something close to Glasgow city centre so i don't have to drive every morning and endure the kingston bridge traffic at night.
Been thinking about my brothers a lot this week too. Many of you won't know, but I have two twin brothers, aged 25 who were born with bad learning disabilities. Essentially, when they were born, the doctors etc didn't realise my mum was having twins and as such they suffered a lack of oxygen which damaged the parts of their brain that controls speech, reading, writing, memory and the part that we all have that tells them to stop when they are doing something wrong. I'd still like to find the idiot doctor who didn't realise this and hurt him.
They have been what my immediate families lives have revolved around since they were born. Especially my mums.
On Tuesday night i had a dream, which i think has been the cause of me thinking a lot about them this week and being fairly upset because of it. In the dream, we were told that because of the lack of oxygen, it wasn't just their brains that were damaged but their hearts as well and they wouldn't live as long as us.
I don't normally dream and when i do i don't remember them, but this has stuck with me since then and i don't think its something i will forget in a hurry.
I'm writing this here because...well, because i am scared to have this discussion with my parents. A) because my dad will tell me not to be so stupid and b) my mum will cry her eyes out and it won't do me any good either and nothing will come of it, I would leave my parents house having been told we will cross this bridge when we come to it. Thats not what I want, I want to be prepared.
I don't know whether my brothers Ross and Neil will live as long as myself or my older brother would, given that i know some kids that are born with problems such as these just do not live as long. As far as we know they have nothing wrong with them physically so i am expecting that when my mum and dad are gone, my brother and I will be the ones looking after them. It sure as hell won't be any of my aunts or uncles or cousins, because, even though the seem fine with them I know they can't be bothered with them most of the time. This is going to cause trouble for me at some stage, because i will voice this opinion to their faces.
I won't put them in a home. I know what those places can be like. I guess something will have to be figured out in the near future because i need to know. Right now though, it scares me to think I will have this responsibility when i can't even look after myself that well, but it scares and upsets me even more to think they won't be here when we are older.
Sorry if you read this and wonder why you did. I need to get this stuff off my chest and i can't bring myself to talk about it with anyone.
Had one of those work weeks where you just do not want to be there, and everything revolves around watching the clock roll onto the time you get to sign out and go home. Don't know why, don't care, as of monday I am looking for a new job, i need something close to Glasgow city centre so i don't have to drive every morning and endure the kingston bridge traffic at night.
Been thinking about my brothers a lot this week too. Many of you won't know, but I have two twin brothers, aged 25 who were born with bad learning disabilities. Essentially, when they were born, the doctors etc didn't realise my mum was having twins and as such they suffered a lack of oxygen which damaged the parts of their brain that controls speech, reading, writing, memory and the part that we all have that tells them to stop when they are doing something wrong. I'd still like to find the idiot doctor who didn't realise this and hurt him.
They have been what my immediate families lives have revolved around since they were born. Especially my mums.
On Tuesday night i had a dream, which i think has been the cause of me thinking a lot about them this week and being fairly upset because of it. In the dream, we were told that because of the lack of oxygen, it wasn't just their brains that were damaged but their hearts as well and they wouldn't live as long as us.
I don't normally dream and when i do i don't remember them, but this has stuck with me since then and i don't think its something i will forget in a hurry.
I'm writing this here because...well, because i am scared to have this discussion with my parents. A) because my dad will tell me not to be so stupid and b) my mum will cry her eyes out and it won't do me any good either and nothing will come of it, I would leave my parents house having been told we will cross this bridge when we come to it. Thats not what I want, I want to be prepared.
I don't know whether my brothers Ross and Neil will live as long as myself or my older brother would, given that i know some kids that are born with problems such as these just do not live as long. As far as we know they have nothing wrong with them physically so i am expecting that when my mum and dad are gone, my brother and I will be the ones looking after them. It sure as hell won't be any of my aunts or uncles or cousins, because, even though the seem fine with them I know they can't be bothered with them most of the time. This is going to cause trouble for me at some stage, because i will voice this opinion to their faces.
I won't put them in a home. I know what those places can be like. I guess something will have to be figured out in the near future because i need to know. Right now though, it scares me to think I will have this responsibility when i can't even look after myself that well, but it scares and upsets me even more to think they won't be here when we are older.
Sorry if you read this and wonder why you did. I need to get this stuff off my chest and i can't bring myself to talk about it with anyone.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
It just makes me mad...its just I've had to put up with years of head fucks and I cant handle them anymore. I changed my number....thats a bit harsh. I love her and that, but she's stress I really dont need. My step dad has my email so he knows he can get in contact that way. I think I'll feel much happier with her not in my life for a bit even though it kinda hurts that its came to this