isthmene

I need a mouse sander,,,,,,Anyone got one they're willing to lend me? *sigh* I just want to finish the staircase.

I cleaned all day. I find cleaning very theraputic. And it's more productive than throwing things....where you end up cleaning up anyways.....

My car broke down again yesterday. In Coquiltam, That's a ways form where I live. And I'm so broke right now I can't even afford a pack of smokes. And this months paycheck is sad because I missed two weeks of work hurling everything I ate up all day long. I don't know why they call it morning sickness.

It's hard because no matter how you explain it to boys, they just don't understand. They can't.
So I'm a on and off complete mess. I break a nail and I;m in tears. Sleep is elusive. I feel hollow. Bled out. I don't know how to grieve so I'm just angry all the time. And bitter.

Cleaning in the hopes that if my house is in order, I'll feel more in order. Not so crazy.

And I'm fighting with my boy. I get so upset with him so easily. So paranoid. I want to be alone so I don't continue to rip strips off of him simply because he's there. But I can't sleep alone. And alone I sink into darkness. Where it seems so hopeless.

I hate this. I hate being like this. I hate feeling sorry for myself. I want to scream and pull out my hair. But it doesn't make me feel any better. Neither does all the crying. Just gives me a headache.

I'm done. Go read a happy journal entry now and don't worry about me. I'll be fine. In time.