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sadly I think about this at least once a month...

but I'd call my ex and tell her "time's up, we could have settled down years ago and lead completely different happy lives but no you wanted more life experience and maturity so you broke up with me but kept me on the back burner just in case and called me every six months just to keep reminding us both so neither of us could ever move on and now you are out of luck cause you don't have a fallback guy any more" and then I would say goodbye.

I'd send you an MMS of my last meal