not too long ago i grabbed a bite to eat at the clarks up in evanston with my friend lauren before going to see the film pieces of april. a gaggle of guys sitting at another table kept staring and sniggering at me over their meals, making very audible catcalls, suggestions, and sexual comments to the effect that i was gay and should leave the fag hag that i was sitting with and join them. some of the comments went even further; im sure you can fill in their remarks without my help. i ignored them and went on eating.
then this morning i check my (stupid) e-mail account to find that a nice little (male) pervert has sent some naked pictures of himself for me to wake up to. his accompanying message informed me that i am just in the closet of sexual denial and should come out and join him for some fun. not only was this unsolicited but the tone and intention was insipid and vulgar (not in the good way).
consider this the last straw. hardly a day has gone by in the last six years that i havent been hit on by a man or been rudely labeled as a fag by a total stranger. or by someone who knows me. or told i was in the closet by someone ive known for years (like, um, lets see, my father, maybe?) the first hundred times this happened it was cute. at a thousand i was a little tired of it. but by now im f*cking sick of it.
first off: gender stereotypes can bit my ass. granted, we all have countless cultural conceptions bred into us from birth that lead us to lump people into certain groups by categorizing their outermost traits blah blah blah. anyone with even the slightest introduction to gender studies has heard this before and WE all claim to be smarter and more incisive than that. WE know that contradictions are inimical to any persons identity. WE know the sexuality and sexual identity are entirely separate things. WE dont judge by appearance, or if we do (hush hush!) the label usually turns out to be right anyway.
unacceptable. a few years ago i began to respond to those who thought i was gay by asking them what about me tipped them off that i liked men. after years and hundreds of these questionnaires a clear picture emerged. gay people:
a) dress well
b) are intelligent
c) are physically attractive
d) are involved or interested in the arts
e) can dance
f) are nice
after these core tenants of homosexuality emerged i could naturally use the data to form a (fully scientific) mirror image a profile of a straight person. with this in hand i could better figure out what im supposed to act like. heterosexuals:
a) dress like crap
b) are stupid
c) are ugly
d) are uncultured
e) are clumsy
f) are mean
problem solved, right?
i own a pink shirt. i believe in same-sex marriage. i like madonna. i have gay friends. im not into sports. david bowie is hot. and i am straight. its that simple and its that complicated.
ff you walk down the street, cut through the club, or gossip at work with your gaydar hanging out of your proverbial fly labeling everyone you encounter, or even if you dont if you think youve got your whole sexuality paradigm figured out, think again. try asking yourself these questions from the heterosexual questionnaire by gloria maccauley of ohio state university (even if youre not straight they can be quite revealing).
1. what do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2. when did you decide that you were a heterosexual?
3. is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of?
4. is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
5. if you have never slept with a member of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay/lesbian lover?
6. to whom did you disclose your heterosexual tendencies? how did they react?
7. why do you heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into your lifestyle?
8. why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? cant you just be who you are and keep quiet?
9. would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems s/he would face?
10. a disproportionate percentage of child molesters are heterosexuals. do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?
11. with all the societal support that marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships between heterosexuals?
12. why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
13. considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?
14. could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? dont you feel that s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?
15. how can you expect to become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality, and fail to develop your natural healthy gay/lesbian potential.
16. there seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. have you considered trying aversion therapy?
interesting, huh? its immensely easy to blindly accept the fallacies we hold for truths.
the point of this rant: check your premises. then check them again. youll be surprised at what you dont know you dont know.
sorry for the rant. i'm...rantalicious right now.
then this morning i check my (stupid) e-mail account to find that a nice little (male) pervert has sent some naked pictures of himself for me to wake up to. his accompanying message informed me that i am just in the closet of sexual denial and should come out and join him for some fun. not only was this unsolicited but the tone and intention was insipid and vulgar (not in the good way).
consider this the last straw. hardly a day has gone by in the last six years that i havent been hit on by a man or been rudely labeled as a fag by a total stranger. or by someone who knows me. or told i was in the closet by someone ive known for years (like, um, lets see, my father, maybe?) the first hundred times this happened it was cute. at a thousand i was a little tired of it. but by now im f*cking sick of it.
first off: gender stereotypes can bit my ass. granted, we all have countless cultural conceptions bred into us from birth that lead us to lump people into certain groups by categorizing their outermost traits blah blah blah. anyone with even the slightest introduction to gender studies has heard this before and WE all claim to be smarter and more incisive than that. WE know that contradictions are inimical to any persons identity. WE know the sexuality and sexual identity are entirely separate things. WE dont judge by appearance, or if we do (hush hush!) the label usually turns out to be right anyway.
unacceptable. a few years ago i began to respond to those who thought i was gay by asking them what about me tipped them off that i liked men. after years and hundreds of these questionnaires a clear picture emerged. gay people:
a) dress well
b) are intelligent
c) are physically attractive
d) are involved or interested in the arts
e) can dance
f) are nice
after these core tenants of homosexuality emerged i could naturally use the data to form a (fully scientific) mirror image a profile of a straight person. with this in hand i could better figure out what im supposed to act like. heterosexuals:
a) dress like crap
b) are stupid
c) are ugly
d) are uncultured
e) are clumsy
f) are mean
problem solved, right?
i own a pink shirt. i believe in same-sex marriage. i like madonna. i have gay friends. im not into sports. david bowie is hot. and i am straight. its that simple and its that complicated.
ff you walk down the street, cut through the club, or gossip at work with your gaydar hanging out of your proverbial fly labeling everyone you encounter, or even if you dont if you think youve got your whole sexuality paradigm figured out, think again. try asking yourself these questions from the heterosexual questionnaire by gloria maccauley of ohio state university (even if youre not straight they can be quite revealing).
1. what do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2. when did you decide that you were a heterosexual?
3. is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of?
4. is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
5. if you have never slept with a member of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay/lesbian lover?
6. to whom did you disclose your heterosexual tendencies? how did they react?
7. why do you heterosexuals feel compelled to seduce others into your lifestyle?
8. why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? cant you just be who you are and keep quiet?
9. would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems s/he would face?
10. a disproportionate percentage of child molesters are heterosexuals. do you consider it safe to expose your children to heterosexual teachers?
11. with all the societal support that marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships between heterosexuals?
12. why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
13. considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?
14. could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? dont you feel that s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own leanings?
15. how can you expect to become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality, and fail to develop your natural healthy gay/lesbian potential.
16. there seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. techniques have been developed that might enable you to change if you really want to. have you considered trying aversion therapy?
interesting, huh? its immensely easy to blindly accept the fallacies we hold for truths.
the point of this rant: check your premises. then check them again. youll be surprised at what you dont know you dont know.
sorry for the rant. i'm...rantalicious right now.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
and being mistaken for something that you're not sucks. people always think i'm innocent/naive and from this they conclude that i'm weak, dumb and hyper-sensitive. needless to say, i have to take alot of machismo bullshit. even though it's not bad to be innocent, and sometimes i wish i were, it's very insulting.
take solace in that you probably have a much better sex life than those assholes do.