ironmog

Oh finals week. Oh the world. OH someone please come along with some sort of insight into the future. I know it will be alright. I know things will work out. I have these faiths in the world. But good grief is it hard to hold to it lately. Hard to stare into the dark of the night and know the light of dawn is coming.

But I shall persevere.

Dani told me she loves me. Is in love with me.

I'll allow you to come to terms with that. Maybe by that time my head will stop spinning from the significance.

I love Dani. I always will. I want her. I want to be with her. So bad its like a physical thing. I can feel my heart tug every time I think of her. How many nights have I fallen asleep thinking of her? I quit my job and went back to school secretly just so I could keep talking to her. I was afraid that if I went back to work and she saw me less and less she'd forget me. And replace me.

Now at the same time there's Ailia. Who is being pressured into marrying her current boyfriend because she has a son with him. She doesn't want to get married. And as her friend I want her to be happy. And, I also love her. Not as deeply or as meaningfully as Dani. Nothing comes close to that. Would I like to be with Ailia? Yes.

But of the two I'd pick Dani. Each and every time.

My heart hurts. Dani's been hurt by this. I feel pulled in two different directions. I feel like I could lose everything.

But I asked Dani, if she'd marry me. And she said she would.

I want to. I want to marry her. I want to stare across that small gap, find her eyes, hold her gaze and say "I do" in front of all my friends and family. And hers. I want them all to know.

Follow my heart someone told me with much wisdom in their words.

So do just that I will. I'll follow my heart. And it only leads to Dani.

I don't care if she's married. I don't care if I'll always be pining for her, alone in my bed at night. It will always be her.

I love you Danielle.

-JC