Well I can't leave SG as it auto renewed...
I don't understand why so many people ignore my attempts to reach out, to just find some information. I mean professors from school will ignore emails, even after I ask them face to face if it is ok. I am in a group project and no one we have contacted has responded. Even the fucking guy that we are doing the feasibility study for has not responded to our last attempts to contact him.
People only do shit for money; they are whores. I'm sure they all have such good excuses "I'm so busy, I was going to get around to it, then it sort of fell to the side." Bullshit. It was not on your list and your felt ok ignoring it until every other fucking thing you could possibly do was done. The dog down the street barks and barks and barks but when I call animal control they do nothing about it. As in, whatever it is they are doing is not resolving the problem; from my perspective they are doing nothing because they are not accomplishing anything.
So I am completely to the point where I hate people. I am becoming more reclusive and distant, unhappy all the time, I am trapped in this town as I have a house that isn't worth what I owe on it. I would move away if I could. I feel damaged and absolutely refuse to pursue a relationship with anyone; I would rather be alone most of the time. I know how to recover from this and I choose not to. I don't know why.
I don't understand why so many people ignore my attempts to reach out, to just find some information. I mean professors from school will ignore emails, even after I ask them face to face if it is ok. I am in a group project and no one we have contacted has responded. Even the fucking guy that we are doing the feasibility study for has not responded to our last attempts to contact him.
People only do shit for money; they are whores. I'm sure they all have such good excuses "I'm so busy, I was going to get around to it, then it sort of fell to the side." Bullshit. It was not on your list and your felt ok ignoring it until every other fucking thing you could possibly do was done. The dog down the street barks and barks and barks but when I call animal control they do nothing about it. As in, whatever it is they are doing is not resolving the problem; from my perspective they are doing nothing because they are not accomplishing anything.
So I am completely to the point where I hate people. I am becoming more reclusive and distant, unhappy all the time, I am trapped in this town as I have a house that isn't worth what I owe on it. I would move away if I could. I feel damaged and absolutely refuse to pursue a relationship with anyone; I would rather be alone most of the time. I know how to recover from this and I choose not to. I don't know why.
You sound like you're imprisoned in your expectations of others. It's worth remembering that it's not that they hate you, or that they don't want to keep their commitments. It's that, like you, they live in the world that _is_, not the world that they wish for. They make promises they intend to keep, but can't. They get pissed off at what they think you meant to say, which wasn't what you intended. They are so focused on their own needs, and their own fear, that they don't have any space in their hearts and minds to have compassion for you.
The only way to turn this around is to give up on receiving compassion, and start giving it. I know this sounds trite, but it's the only thing I've ever tried in all my years that's increased my happiness at all. If you commit to this practice, you will start to see changes in others, but what will really amaze you will be the changes you see in yourself.