"You're the Saint, I'm the Sinner....Baptism Under Fire"
Today during a precious day off in surprising 60 degree weather in our Nations Capital, I enjoyed a walked down our National Mall. One word best describes the Washington Monument - ERECT! Yes kids, it's really just one long white pointy dildo standing there right before your naked steaming eyes. Maybe next time I'll take a slide down in the name of freedom. It was a great day, birds sang, children flew kites, people were jogging, having lunch and reading a book. Everything seemed to be going OK. I even saw off in the distance what looked like an ice cream truck. Nice! I could use an ice cream sandwich. As it slowly creep down Constitution Ave I noticed that it maybe USE to be an ice cream truck. I heard a loud aggressive voice ranting over the speakers mounted on top. As the truck drove past me there were huge pictures of aborted fetus's ALL OVER THE TRUCK and some weird old hippie dude inside yelling on a megaphone spouting off things like..... "THE SINNERS WILL BURN IN HELL"..........."KILLING GODS CHILDREN IS AN ABOMINATION UNDER GOD"........."SSSTOP THE SLAUGHTERRR". I stood there absolutely dumbfounded. Well....The idea of flagging him down for a double scoop of Chunky Monkey is certainly out the question. Bummer! Everyone has different views on abortion. Thankfully, I have never gotten a girl pregnant. I practice safe sex although I have had those few nights of bare back boots knockin' in the backseat all in the name of Jack Daniels and Rock 'N Roll. As my Grandma use to say, "count your blessings son". I'm very pro choice and feel the procedure should be kept available and safe for all females. These religious fanatics really freak me out. They are not carrying a full deck and are missing some much needed brain wiring. It got me thinking as a continued my frolic through the park. My views on organized religion these days are pretty much a wash. They all paint with really broad strokes. Basically, I'm not concerned whether or not God exists but I do care about all the people who do these crazy things in His name. Like shooting abortion doctors. Or blowing people up. People have such a cavalier attitude when it comes to invoking God or Jesus or Allah that it gets downright frightening; it makes me want to take up snake-handling. My opinion of religion is as follows- it sucks. In theory religion is good but in practice organized religions are manipulative, greedy, prejudiced and hypocritical. I was raised a Catholic but moved on to Beer Worship, Pussy Worship, Music Worship, Self Worship and finally, No Worship. I worship nothing and no one. Oh, I admire Jerry Seinfeld because he made a very amusing television show out of common everyday things like spending all night looking for your car in a parking garage. I dig Robert Smith and Iron Maiden but technically I have no religion. I'm not an atheist, I just don't think that an entity as Universal as God is or Should Be wears a long beard, white robes and hurls thunderbolts at us puny mortals. God should have more on his plate to deal with than whether or not someone steals Junior Mints at the Zippy Mart. So I ask you, where is God? Or more to the point, why does God need so much money?
In American we have what is called freedom of religion. If you wanna worship God or Krishna or you just wanna sign your Social Security checks "Care of Jim Jones" it's all right, no one's gonna stop you. You're free to Do your Own Thing-- just don't blast me to Hell for not subscribing to the newsletter. There is nothing scarier to me than someone with a knife in his hand and God on his side. I just don't distrust religion, I fear the consequences of religion gone berserk.
My basic philosophy on life is simple and that is to just be a good guy. If I die a good guy then I'm sure I'll end up in the "right place" if that PLACE even exists. You know, with the other good guys and girls. One thing is for sure..... I certainly don't want to be in the company of Mr. Ice Cream Truck Driver and his megahorn preaching. If he is in heaven, I'll take Hell. That's fine!!! I'll make friends. Hell probably has better music, stronger whisky and the scars on my back from my ex girlfriends fingernails would be a good conversation piece between the Slayer and Cradle Of Filth cd's. I wonder if the Devil is the MC? Does he broadcast his favorite tunes through his Ipod? I wonder if Elvis is down there? Or maybe a massage parlor with a happy ending? Maybe by then Paris Hilton will be there serving up cocktails in a string bikini at Happy Hour with her porno on a loop on high-definition widescreens! Hey, I'd be a bar back for that scene. I'll be sure to shove my loincloth, cheeta bandanna and black nail polish deep inside my pocket before the car accident.
I was raised in a Catholic household. My elementary school was a Catholic school. Technically, I still am a Catholic. I've done all the rituals, the baptism, the communion, the conformation, the supreme ass licking. I was even an altar boy for a short time which paid off when some of use were taken out of class to serve a funeral. Call it a field trip for the deceased. Catholic school was bizarre. We all looked like Mao's young pioneers dressed in our little uniforms. We were really easy to pick out of a crowd on field trips; we were the ones the nuns were herding in the parking lot after The Nutcracker.
Look at a textbook in a Catholic school if you want to revisit Stalin's Russia. There isn't much science going on in the science book. Under evolution, see "God's Will." The Periodic Table has a big angel standing next to it, with a flaming sword. There was so much religious dogma we had to learn in Catholic school, shit I scarcely need to know now as a "rock-n-roller." Like the Twelve Stations of the Cross; that's a real Catholic thing. We had to memorize all twelve fucking stations. The Ten Commandments were fairly easy, but the stations . . . I'm sorry, I forget Christ fell on his left knee before he turned the corner of the second exit before the Pottery Barn . . . so shoot me.
Confession was easy. I was such a fuck-up I could confess for hours. There was a corner store a block away from campus and some of us would sneak over during lunch and steal candy. Word got out that I was the best theif. One day this really pretty girl named Mandy who I had this silly childhood crush on asked me to snag her some Juicy Fruit. Oh Mandy, ANYTHING for your baby blue eyes and strawberry smile. I wanted to kiss her so bad. It's funny, back then a blow job wasn't even thought about. I didn't even look at a girls ass. It was all face that got my attraction going. Granted if a girl was a cow the aforementioned doesn't apply. Anyway, I didn't like the idea of confession. It's not like the little screen in the confessional is gonna hide the fact that it is ME in there.
Churches are meant to intimidate people. I've been to cathedrals in Europe that were downright scary. I've spent days lurking in catacombs, gazing at the crypts. Acres of crypts. Bishops and bakers and candlestick makers all immortalized in ghastly yellow marble. There is even a little series of hash marks on each crypt for every witch burned.
But Catholicism isn't the only culprit. The Jesuits were a pretty hardy lot. They certainly turned in their monthly quota of horror and misery, in God's name. As a kid growing up we were taught to believe in the benevolent Dominican Friar, Father Junipero Serra, and his lovely missions. It's funny, my text book clearly stated that the missions were there to help the Indians, not enslave, torture, and murder them. Yes, come work for me, brother. Or die. Your choice.
When I traveled to the UK, I went into a music hall that also doubled as a school for Muslim children. And I had a chance to read some of the shit on their bulletin board and it freaked me out. It seems that non Muslim people, like you and I, are really devils in disguise. You mustn't talk to the devils or eat with them, this sort of offended me. I am not a devil, nearly devil-ish.
Rastafarians seem okay. They don't want to burn people at the stake or cut off people's hands for stealing. Bahai's seem cool. Although their doctrine is a little vague. The whole New Age thing is harmless, although every Christian channel will tell you otherwise. If some hippie chick thinks that wearing a crystal necklace will ward off her herpes, so what? Burn some incense, chant your ass off, I don't care.
Buddhism seems cool, but it's a bit deeper than I want to go religiously speaking. I don't need religion to chant, speaking in tongues on ten beers in more my thing. Yes, I can glossalize with the best of 'em.
For awhile I got off watching Christian TV "Scrutinize" the lyrics of heavy metal music. They do have their own particular slant on things. In the early 90's metal band Judas Priest was the Antichrist, then in 1996 it was Marilyn Manson. I admit he pulled it off well with the show and all the props, but he certainly wasn't Beelzebub.
I went to the first Ozzfest in 1997, Christians were protesting. And why? 'Cause Ozzy "bit the head of a bat". Ohhh that's evil man!! Don't people have anything better to do with their lives than stand out in front of an arena touting religious slogans and waving signs? Fuck, if you want to be truly Christian, feed the poor, help the blind, bake some bread into nice gospel shapes, do something constructive.
Remember old school metal vocalist Ronnie James Dio? Back in his heyday, people thought he WAS the Devil because of his album Holy Diver, what does it really mean? Does he want us to dive into Hell? Does he want us to join him in his hellish game? It's all right there in the lyrics, plain as day; Ronnie Dio wants YOU to kill your parents and remember Helter does not have an A in it. So spell it right when you smear your victim's blood on the wall, in Ronnie's name. And in the name of everyone at his shows since everyone in attendence is obviously under his EVIL SPELL. The concessionaires at the concert halls are all damned as well, for selling beer and evil Chipwiches and pentagram-shaped Twizzlers.
Oh well, It's still a beautiful day. The birds are still singing, leaves are rustling, my roommate just let out another Taco Bell fart. THANKS BRO, charming!! The world is going according to plan. So my friends. Go out. Go out and enjoy yourselves. See a local band, have drinks, laugh with friends, have sex with your partner and forget about the approaching Apocalypse.
Today during a precious day off in surprising 60 degree weather in our Nations Capital, I enjoyed a walked down our National Mall. One word best describes the Washington Monument - ERECT! Yes kids, it's really just one long white pointy dildo standing there right before your naked steaming eyes. Maybe next time I'll take a slide down in the name of freedom. It was a great day, birds sang, children flew kites, people were jogging, having lunch and reading a book. Everything seemed to be going OK. I even saw off in the distance what looked like an ice cream truck. Nice! I could use an ice cream sandwich. As it slowly creep down Constitution Ave I noticed that it maybe USE to be an ice cream truck. I heard a loud aggressive voice ranting over the speakers mounted on top. As the truck drove past me there were huge pictures of aborted fetus's ALL OVER THE TRUCK and some weird old hippie dude inside yelling on a megaphone spouting off things like..... "THE SINNERS WILL BURN IN HELL"..........."KILLING GODS CHILDREN IS AN ABOMINATION UNDER GOD"........."SSSTOP THE SLAUGHTERRR". I stood there absolutely dumbfounded. Well....The idea of flagging him down for a double scoop of Chunky Monkey is certainly out the question. Bummer! Everyone has different views on abortion. Thankfully, I have never gotten a girl pregnant. I practice safe sex although I have had those few nights of bare back boots knockin' in the backseat all in the name of Jack Daniels and Rock 'N Roll. As my Grandma use to say, "count your blessings son". I'm very pro choice and feel the procedure should be kept available and safe for all females. These religious fanatics really freak me out. They are not carrying a full deck and are missing some much needed brain wiring. It got me thinking as a continued my frolic through the park. My views on organized religion these days are pretty much a wash. They all paint with really broad strokes. Basically, I'm not concerned whether or not God exists but I do care about all the people who do these crazy things in His name. Like shooting abortion doctors. Or blowing people up. People have such a cavalier attitude when it comes to invoking God or Jesus or Allah that it gets downright frightening; it makes me want to take up snake-handling. My opinion of religion is as follows- it sucks. In theory religion is good but in practice organized religions are manipulative, greedy, prejudiced and hypocritical. I was raised a Catholic but moved on to Beer Worship, Pussy Worship, Music Worship, Self Worship and finally, No Worship. I worship nothing and no one. Oh, I admire Jerry Seinfeld because he made a very amusing television show out of common everyday things like spending all night looking for your car in a parking garage. I dig Robert Smith and Iron Maiden but technically I have no religion. I'm not an atheist, I just don't think that an entity as Universal as God is or Should Be wears a long beard, white robes and hurls thunderbolts at us puny mortals. God should have more on his plate to deal with than whether or not someone steals Junior Mints at the Zippy Mart. So I ask you, where is God? Or more to the point, why does God need so much money?
In American we have what is called freedom of religion. If you wanna worship God or Krishna or you just wanna sign your Social Security checks "Care of Jim Jones" it's all right, no one's gonna stop you. You're free to Do your Own Thing-- just don't blast me to Hell for not subscribing to the newsletter. There is nothing scarier to me than someone with a knife in his hand and God on his side. I just don't distrust religion, I fear the consequences of religion gone berserk.
My basic philosophy on life is simple and that is to just be a good guy. If I die a good guy then I'm sure I'll end up in the "right place" if that PLACE even exists. You know, with the other good guys and girls. One thing is for sure..... I certainly don't want to be in the company of Mr. Ice Cream Truck Driver and his megahorn preaching. If he is in heaven, I'll take Hell. That's fine!!! I'll make friends. Hell probably has better music, stronger whisky and the scars on my back from my ex girlfriends fingernails would be a good conversation piece between the Slayer and Cradle Of Filth cd's. I wonder if the Devil is the MC? Does he broadcast his favorite tunes through his Ipod? I wonder if Elvis is down there? Or maybe a massage parlor with a happy ending? Maybe by then Paris Hilton will be there serving up cocktails in a string bikini at Happy Hour with her porno on a loop on high-definition widescreens! Hey, I'd be a bar back for that scene. I'll be sure to shove my loincloth, cheeta bandanna and black nail polish deep inside my pocket before the car accident.
I was raised in a Catholic household. My elementary school was a Catholic school. Technically, I still am a Catholic. I've done all the rituals, the baptism, the communion, the conformation, the supreme ass licking. I was even an altar boy for a short time which paid off when some of use were taken out of class to serve a funeral. Call it a field trip for the deceased. Catholic school was bizarre. We all looked like Mao's young pioneers dressed in our little uniforms. We were really easy to pick out of a crowd on field trips; we were the ones the nuns were herding in the parking lot after The Nutcracker.
Look at a textbook in a Catholic school if you want to revisit Stalin's Russia. There isn't much science going on in the science book. Under evolution, see "God's Will." The Periodic Table has a big angel standing next to it, with a flaming sword. There was so much religious dogma we had to learn in Catholic school, shit I scarcely need to know now as a "rock-n-roller." Like the Twelve Stations of the Cross; that's a real Catholic thing. We had to memorize all twelve fucking stations. The Ten Commandments were fairly easy, but the stations . . . I'm sorry, I forget Christ fell on his left knee before he turned the corner of the second exit before the Pottery Barn . . . so shoot me.
Confession was easy. I was such a fuck-up I could confess for hours. There was a corner store a block away from campus and some of us would sneak over during lunch and steal candy. Word got out that I was the best theif. One day this really pretty girl named Mandy who I had this silly childhood crush on asked me to snag her some Juicy Fruit. Oh Mandy, ANYTHING for your baby blue eyes and strawberry smile. I wanted to kiss her so bad. It's funny, back then a blow job wasn't even thought about. I didn't even look at a girls ass. It was all face that got my attraction going. Granted if a girl was a cow the aforementioned doesn't apply. Anyway, I didn't like the idea of confession. It's not like the little screen in the confessional is gonna hide the fact that it is ME in there.
Churches are meant to intimidate people. I've been to cathedrals in Europe that were downright scary. I've spent days lurking in catacombs, gazing at the crypts. Acres of crypts. Bishops and bakers and candlestick makers all immortalized in ghastly yellow marble. There is even a little series of hash marks on each crypt for every witch burned.
But Catholicism isn't the only culprit. The Jesuits were a pretty hardy lot. They certainly turned in their monthly quota of horror and misery, in God's name. As a kid growing up we were taught to believe in the benevolent Dominican Friar, Father Junipero Serra, and his lovely missions. It's funny, my text book clearly stated that the missions were there to help the Indians, not enslave, torture, and murder them. Yes, come work for me, brother. Or die. Your choice.
When I traveled to the UK, I went into a music hall that also doubled as a school for Muslim children. And I had a chance to read some of the shit on their bulletin board and it freaked me out. It seems that non Muslim people, like you and I, are really devils in disguise. You mustn't talk to the devils or eat with them, this sort of offended me. I am not a devil, nearly devil-ish.
Rastafarians seem okay. They don't want to burn people at the stake or cut off people's hands for stealing. Bahai's seem cool. Although their doctrine is a little vague. The whole New Age thing is harmless, although every Christian channel will tell you otherwise. If some hippie chick thinks that wearing a crystal necklace will ward off her herpes, so what? Burn some incense, chant your ass off, I don't care.
Buddhism seems cool, but it's a bit deeper than I want to go religiously speaking. I don't need religion to chant, speaking in tongues on ten beers in more my thing. Yes, I can glossalize with the best of 'em.
For awhile I got off watching Christian TV "Scrutinize" the lyrics of heavy metal music. They do have their own particular slant on things. In the early 90's metal band Judas Priest was the Antichrist, then in 1996 it was Marilyn Manson. I admit he pulled it off well with the show and all the props, but he certainly wasn't Beelzebub.
I went to the first Ozzfest in 1997, Christians were protesting. And why? 'Cause Ozzy "bit the head of a bat". Ohhh that's evil man!! Don't people have anything better to do with their lives than stand out in front of an arena touting religious slogans and waving signs? Fuck, if you want to be truly Christian, feed the poor, help the blind, bake some bread into nice gospel shapes, do something constructive.
Remember old school metal vocalist Ronnie James Dio? Back in his heyday, people thought he WAS the Devil because of his album Holy Diver, what does it really mean? Does he want us to dive into Hell? Does he want us to join him in his hellish game? It's all right there in the lyrics, plain as day; Ronnie Dio wants YOU to kill your parents and remember Helter does not have an A in it. So spell it right when you smear your victim's blood on the wall, in Ronnie's name. And in the name of everyone at his shows since everyone in attendence is obviously under his EVIL SPELL. The concessionaires at the concert halls are all damned as well, for selling beer and evil Chipwiches and pentagram-shaped Twizzlers.
Oh well, It's still a beautiful day. The birds are still singing, leaves are rustling, my roommate just let out another Taco Bell fart. THANKS BRO, charming!! The world is going according to plan. So my friends. Go out. Go out and enjoy yourselves. See a local band, have drinks, laugh with friends, have sex with your partner and forget about the approaching Apocalypse.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
falias:
onie:
i just wanted to say hi.. and that you should give us an update