irockaplymouth

I live life from moment to moment. Waiting for these grand epiphanies, these moments of total zen-like clarity to just strike me. There's no real schedule, I find that they happen when I least expect them to. But, they always happen eventually if I just stick everything out (what else besides that can I or anyone do anyway?). Often times some work of art or another triggers them. A song, a film or play, an image of some sort, a book. I can't really explain the why of it exactly.

I don't always really understand what they mean or what if anything I'm supposed to do about them. All I really know is that they happen, and I feel them.

Tonight I don't care that my back aches, or that my car's messed up, or that I have a stack of bills to figure out how to pay, or that I'm alone, or that I might not get into grad school, or that minipop's drummer never responded to my offer of going out for coffee or tea sometime, or that I don't feel one step closer at all to doing something about any of what I perceive as my life's problems.

If you'd asked me how I felt about these things earlier today I would have told you they were weighing on my mind heavily and had been causing me a lot of stress and pain.

Right now though, I couldn't possibly care any less about any of that. I find it all very odd.

I can tell you one thing that is on my mind. Its absolutely crazy.

She hasn't called or texted or tried to contact me at all this whole week so far. It seemed like a day wouldn't go by where I couldn't not think of her because she would some how be intruding herself into my life by contacting me. And suddenly I get what I'd been trying to have and wouldn't you know it but, I miss the feelings of being annoyed or stressed from the contact.

Son of a bitch.

I can't believe I could miss something like that.

On this journey from moment to moment my heart gets heavy at times and it longs for something I would swear to you is true but, hidden, and wrong, to come out. To be shown. To be righted.

At this particular moment thats all I care about. Its a stupidly horrible thing for me to even be thinking about especially right now of all times. But thats really, absolutely, the only thing I care, even in the slightest, about right now.

I want my happy ending. Not like the massage parlor happy ending.

I don't know what mine entails precisely. I just know I want it. I'm ready for it. I think I'm even ready to do whatever it takes to get it. Whatever it takes.....

Son of a bitch.

I wonder if any of this even makes a single lick of sense.

Hahaha, "lick of sense"! I can't believe I typed that or that I like it enough to not edit it out.

I should go to bed.