irishsteele999

What a wasted day. I skipped class with the intent of catching up on my art work, and do you know what I did? It wasn't art. I sat around in my boxers, wearing a sweater 'cause its sooo fucking cold in our house, my hair a mess (i had this one long "spike" on the right side of my head from where i slept on it. It was crazy), wrapped in my green blanket, playing video games. I took a shower like 15 minutes before I had to leave for work. And work, yeah that was a real fucking blast...it was so boring; it was only 4 and a half hours but it felt like 8... I did finish reading A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius, and it was awsome, definately going on the favorite book list. I hate working cause I start thinking about things...like how I feel my life has a hit a dead end (when it really hasn't, but working 2 low-paying jobs while going to school does suck), how I want to quit school (I really don't, I just want to focus on my art more), how I feel like I'm gonna be a disappointment to my family (this is my 3rd year of college and I still don't know what I want to do with my life, I mean I do, but its so impractical and ridiculous; I also have a feeling my parents are trying to vicariously live through me, 'cause they never went to college - my mom went to business school; my dad went into the Army - and they want me to be successfull, i.e. make a lot a money, and i don't care if I do or not, as long as I'm doing what I want to do with my life and I am happy. My mom's already kinda disappointed that I quit ROTC, but I told her the Army is not and never will be for me. She's worried that I won't be able to find a job when I graduate - she's convinced I'm graduating Spring '05; that's totally not happening. I know she means well, both of my parents do, but I wish they would have faith in my decisions and let me live my own life ). I get so scared when I start thinking these overwhelming thoughts that I am going crazy, 'cause it sure feels like I am sometimes. I just get so freaked out about everything... I've also been listening to some crazy music lately, not really crazy, but not what one would think I listen if they ever met me, like right now, I'm listening to Time Of The Season by the Zombies, and a few minutes ago it was Jim Croce, and I'm sure some Bee Gees, Elton JOhn, and Neil Diamond will be listened to tonight. I don't really know why I'm getting into oldies/70s easy-listening music as of late. I think its a nostagic thing. My earliest memories were that of me sitting in my car seat listening to the Beach Boys, Bread, James Taylor, Jim Croce, CSN&Y, the Beatles, etc on the radio, while my mom drove wherever we were going in Rochester. I think these are the happiest memories of my childhood - listening to the radio; song that predated me by at least 3 or 4 years, and this music is still strangely comforting to me . I am, however, also listening to some great old school punk - Black Flag, Stiff Little Fingers, The Damned, Cocksparrer, Bad Brains, X, Joy Division, Bauhaus - so I'm retaining my coolness ... I think I'm losing mind, I'm all over the place. I need a vacation or something before I go totally crazy... ok , I gotta go eat cause its 10:30 pm and i haven't eaten in six hours, and I need to get some art done, and go to sleep and do it all again tomorrow. G'Night