irishsbuffy

I am making Christmas Cards out. It is funny this year because this is the first year I have not included the ever lame "Christmas Letter". I just dont feel inspired to write the words on the paper. My inspiration goes as far as signing names. Even then it all looks so forgien to me. I read my journal entries and they are so full on anger. MY dear new friend told me in a middle of the night IM chat that I have to let it all go before it eats me up inside. She says see my in my eyes a wonded soul. She said that I could run and hide but that I need to get out. I need to go somewhere to scream and let the demonds out. She said that I have been making vallent stabs at things but still hold on to the pain. Like holding on is going to change the situation. I have so much to say to her but when we are together all I can think of is kissing her again. I am scared. I realize I have lost my ability to trust, my ablitity to care. I find myself changing and this scares me. I am losing who I am... the one who loves and cares without question. I am becoming bitter and I hate that. I let one person destroy me. But not anymore
Anyways, the new friend and I are going to lunch today. I cant wait. I cant wait to hug and talk to her. She is the best person ever.