irishsbuffy

This morning at 4 am I almost gave up. I almost cancel my account. Seriously. But I didn't. I am just a bit homesick and I am trying to deal with things have been thrown my way. Including having friends have not talked to me in months tell me that they have heard what a bitch I have been to a person and if I am going to be that way then they dont want to have anything to do with me. Here is the thing, I have GONE OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY not to talk shit about this person. I have not said a damn word. When asked, I answer only yes or no. If I say anything where those answers wont work I only focus on the positive and yet I am the bitch. I am the bad person. It pisses me off. It is like push me far enough in the corner and I will start talking and I will not be nice and I will hate myself afterwards.

Please someone give me advice? Tell me what to do. Do I defend myself and take a chance of talking shit or do I just write off those friends...I just dont understand when I have done NOTHING wrong and I am still the bitch. Just does not make sense.

I dont know.... I wish I could turn back time. I would change a lot of things in my life.

Love to all

B