irishsbuffy

Since I am sure it will be out as public knowledge soon enough, lets just say people like to talk, I have decided to come out and be real honest with you my friends and who ever should read this journal.

I am human. I have made some bad choices. My daughters live their biolgical father not by my choice. I have said this many times before. What many dont know it is because he threaten that he would expose my past. 3 weeks after my dad died I had an emotional breakdown and tried to kill myself. Am I proud of this? HELL NO! It was the most selfish thing I ever did. I am proud that I got help.

I am getting help again. I have anxiety and panic attacks. I have been so sick that I have gone to the bathroom at work and prayed that it would pass before someone came in the room. It happen at a party. I had to leave because even though it had passed, I was still shaking so much that I was sure that another one was coming on. Many of my friends dont know about this. They know that I have had other health problems but not this. Why? Because I dont want people to think less of me or think I am crazy. The truth is I am a survivor.

You can think of the shittiest things that can happen and it may have happen to me. I made A LOT of stupid choices in life. Wanting attention, I listen to the wrong people. People like my mother. Even though I say that I am breaking the cycle with her, I have to break the cycle of people like her.

So, maybe I am not Mary Poppins and yes, I screw up and do things that are wrong and hurt people. I am thankful for those who open their hearts. I can't gurantee that I wont screw up again. But I will try not too.

IB

I was born two months to early
the doctor gave me thirty days
But I must've had my mama's will
And Gods amazing grace

I guess I'll keep on livin
Even if this loves to die for
Cause your bags are packed and I aint cryin
Youre walking out and Im not trying
To change your mind cause I was born to be

Chorus:
The baby girl without a chance
A victim of circumstance
The one who oughta give up,but shes just
too hard headed!
A single mom who works two jobs
Who loves her kids and never stops
With gentle hands and a heart of a fighter
Im a survivor