irishsbuffy

One of the primary beliefs that I have adopted recently is that you have to own your life. All of it. The good and the bad. Easy, ha, try doing it sometime. I thought I could own my life and take responsabilty for my life and I could talk the talk with the best of them. Now is the time to walk the walk and take full responsability of my life.
It is so much easier said than done. I have been trying to deal with my life. All of it. Last night the boy made a comment about making snap judgments. I wonder if I do that. Am I flighty?
I have been dealing with my inner demonds in my dreams. So last night, when I didn't really dream, I felt like my whole world was off.
Back to owning my life, I have made some really messed choices because I wanted to be loved or I felt I had nowhere to turn. I have loved people with all my heart and soul, I have stood in the shadows for the one moment for them to love me just a moment, more than friendly love, passion, desperation of the first kiss, just need to hold you love. The way an old married couples eyes still light up when the signifigant other walks in the room. There were times I would never have that. I feel I have that with the boy but there is something more.
In my search for love, I have been used for my mind and my body. I have had my heart truly broken 2 times once by a man and once by a woman. The man knew how much I was in love with him the woman never had a clue.
The boy says my eyes give me away. Like I wear my heart on my sleve. Want to see how Shelby feel look in her eyes.
As for my name, it once was Buffy. But Shelby came to me in a dream. She is my spirit guide. This journal is a tribute to her. She has been with me for many months now. She is the one that dries my tears when I was in the bathroom. I cry in the bathtub.