The Igits Steal a Truck (Part 2)
Before the window rolled down, I already knew what had happened. Where else would they have gotten a ride like this?
-Atticus! shouted the driver
-Tyler, I responded, rubbing my forehead, unenthused.
-Kiss, spoke the passenger
-Donatello,
The two of them, of course.
-Hop in, man, Tyler shouted across Don.
-Tyler, where did you get this truck? I asked.
-It was just sitting there, door open keys inside, totally unappreciated and unguarded and just up the block, so we gotta move, before someone notices. Cmon!
- Right, well in the very least I am so glad that you chose something inconspicuous.
-Hey man, chimed Don -the sarcastic attitude is so unnecessary.
-When I want your opinion, DonDon, I will fucking ask for it.
-Well if youre going to be mean to Don... Tyler started to drive forward, leaving me on the corner. He got just far enough for me to notice the texas flag pained on the tailgate and the unusual licence plates. I jogged up to the front of the car.
-Fine, just get me out of here.
-I knew you'd come around, Tyler said as I crawled into the back seat.
-Just drive, Tyler.
We were moving North, if we didnt look so goddamned sketchy I would have suggested stopping by HP pharmacy for some celebratory carjacking ice cream sodas, but we needed to get out of there double fast and something kept bothering me, something I couldnt put my finger on at first. It wasn't unusual for rich folks to get custom plates, - though it was a lot less common here in Texas where it was more expensive than it is in places up north like Illinois - but what the hell did this one mean? They were usually quit obvious D0GLVR or ROCKMOM or ASSDOC (for a proctologist), but what the hell did...
-Hey Ty, what do you think the plates mean?
-Idunno. Wasnt really paying attention. What did they say?
-R N D H S E.
-Hmmm... Well R N D sounds like RnD, you know, like research and development. Thats pretty clear, but H S E... I got nothing.
-High School Education! Exclaimed the man riding shotgun with glee.
-Donnie shut the fuck up, I said -Word puzzles are way out of your element. What the hell would a high school be doing with a research and development team?
-Maybe he works for the city, like. Developing new forms of education. Tyler suggested.
-Its an idea I suppose, I supposed
-Or maybe development means like developmental education. Maybe he works with retarded kids!
-Donkey Kong, If you make one more retarded suggestion like that I am going to smash your head in with a wooden barrel. If he taught retarded kids he would not be able to afford a truck like this.
-His wife could work
-Not if he drives a truck like this she doesnt. A truck like this is a statement. Any man who drives around in this oversized codpiece would not be caught dead letting his wife be the breadwinner.
-He did leave it running outside his own house. Maybe hes the one in the developmental program. Tyler spoke in his cool offhanded manner that suggested he was not taking this as seriously as he should be.
-Your humor is not appreciated at this time, Tyler. Something is very wrong here. If he just left it running outside his house, it might also mean he hasn't worrying about security. He assumed nobody would be stupid enough to steal from him.
-Why do we assume its a he? Maybe its some really hot-
Dons grand idea was quickly cut off by Tyler and Is glances.
-Im just saying. We shouldnt be so misogynist.
Beat.
-Alright, assuming that Don Juan over there didnt just suffer some sudden onset of genius, we are talking about a guy in highland park that is really psyched about being from Texas and doesnt think anyone would posses the testicular fortitude to steal his truck.
Suddenly it came to me. The flag, the plates, everything.
-You fucking IGITS!
I gave a long dramatic pause just to emphasize just how serious I was.
This is Chuck Norriss truck!
Chuck Norriss Truck came to a screeching halt.
Before the window rolled down, I already knew what had happened. Where else would they have gotten a ride like this?
-Atticus! shouted the driver
-Tyler, I responded, rubbing my forehead, unenthused.
-Kiss, spoke the passenger
-Donatello,
The two of them, of course.
-Hop in, man, Tyler shouted across Don.
-Tyler, where did you get this truck? I asked.
-It was just sitting there, door open keys inside, totally unappreciated and unguarded and just up the block, so we gotta move, before someone notices. Cmon!
- Right, well in the very least I am so glad that you chose something inconspicuous.
-Hey man, chimed Don -the sarcastic attitude is so unnecessary.
-When I want your opinion, DonDon, I will fucking ask for it.
-Well if youre going to be mean to Don... Tyler started to drive forward, leaving me on the corner. He got just far enough for me to notice the texas flag pained on the tailgate and the unusual licence plates. I jogged up to the front of the car.
-Fine, just get me out of here.
-I knew you'd come around, Tyler said as I crawled into the back seat.
-Just drive, Tyler.
We were moving North, if we didnt look so goddamned sketchy I would have suggested stopping by HP pharmacy for some celebratory carjacking ice cream sodas, but we needed to get out of there double fast and something kept bothering me, something I couldnt put my finger on at first. It wasn't unusual for rich folks to get custom plates, - though it was a lot less common here in Texas where it was more expensive than it is in places up north like Illinois - but what the hell did this one mean? They were usually quit obvious D0GLVR or ROCKMOM or ASSDOC (for a proctologist), but what the hell did...
-Hey Ty, what do you think the plates mean?
-Idunno. Wasnt really paying attention. What did they say?
-R N D H S E.
-Hmmm... Well R N D sounds like RnD, you know, like research and development. Thats pretty clear, but H S E... I got nothing.
-High School Education! Exclaimed the man riding shotgun with glee.
-Donnie shut the fuck up, I said -Word puzzles are way out of your element. What the hell would a high school be doing with a research and development team?
-Maybe he works for the city, like. Developing new forms of education. Tyler suggested.
-Its an idea I suppose, I supposed
-Or maybe development means like developmental education. Maybe he works with retarded kids!
-Donkey Kong, If you make one more retarded suggestion like that I am going to smash your head in with a wooden barrel. If he taught retarded kids he would not be able to afford a truck like this.
-His wife could work
-Not if he drives a truck like this she doesnt. A truck like this is a statement. Any man who drives around in this oversized codpiece would not be caught dead letting his wife be the breadwinner.
-He did leave it running outside his own house. Maybe hes the one in the developmental program. Tyler spoke in his cool offhanded manner that suggested he was not taking this as seriously as he should be.
-Your humor is not appreciated at this time, Tyler. Something is very wrong here. If he just left it running outside his house, it might also mean he hasn't worrying about security. He assumed nobody would be stupid enough to steal from him.
-Why do we assume its a he? Maybe its some really hot-
Dons grand idea was quickly cut off by Tyler and Is glances.
-Im just saying. We shouldnt be so misogynist.
Beat.
-Alright, assuming that Don Juan over there didnt just suffer some sudden onset of genius, we are talking about a guy in highland park that is really psyched about being from Texas and doesnt think anyone would posses the testicular fortitude to steal his truck.
Suddenly it came to me. The flag, the plates, everything.
-You fucking IGITS!
I gave a long dramatic pause just to emphasize just how serious I was.
This is Chuck Norriss truck!
Chuck Norriss Truck came to a screeching halt.