irishandbuffy

I went and saw the White Castle movie. It was ok. The boy said it was a boy geek movie. I just didn't get it. I just didn't get it. It started off funny and then went

By the end I was thinking of asking for my money back.

I had a panic attack at work today. For those who have never had one I can only tell you it is hell on earth. For me it is like the chorus of my mother and others who had hurt me yelling what a failure I am. I feel everything so much more so much deeper. I feel like my chest was going to explode. I feel like I cant breath. I get angry over stupid shit and I yell at the boy. He is the only one who gets the blunt of it. There was no bathtub to sit in and cry. I came home before the movie and took off the mask and cried. Then washed my hair and put the mask back on. None the wiser.

My boy says that I am like a diamond. I have many facets and he wants to explore each and everyone of them. I am scared that he will find I am cut glass and my facets are illusions.

I worry about my sister. I carry a e-mail she wrote me. Today at the worst part of the attack I took it out and read it. It was like something that calmed me down. My sister is amazing. I just wish I could ease her pain. We have shared pain more than most. She sees the diamond in me when I only see the glass. What she does not know is that I see the same thing.

Good night all sweet friends.

B
Feeling a bit mellow with a full tummy of very rich food.

I know I am not a failure. I have so many good things in my life.