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irishandbuffy

Minnetonka

Member Since 2004

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Tuesday Aug 03, 2004

Aug 3, 2004
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The world needs balance.
For every sunrise there is a sunset
For every sweet a sour
For every good a bad
For every unresitable love
There is an agonizing heartache.
When you seeing the big picture
You must not only look at the massive beauty
But the wonders of the detail.
The world needs balance.

Such thoughts amaze me. When I swallow myself up in the pain of the world. The pain and darkness of betrayal of a so called friend. Who spends her time saying horrid things than in a moment of need thinks I will forget the wounds I have on my heart. That I will balance the good with the bad by offering forgivness again. I sit and ponder would this act of protection throw the balance in the world off.

I met a girl the other day. She is so bright and so loving. So trusting of the world. Am I the one who has become so jaded that the world is balanced.

Since I feel I can talk to all of you. They think I have ovarian cysts. I have had them before. I had one rupture and almost died. I am facing an operation. No matter what happens I am going to have to have an operation. My life is going to forever be changed.

At first I was pissed off. I do what I am suppose to do. I have been working so hard to get my health back and this happens. I felt defeted and selfishly said, "why me! This isnt fair" Then I thought is it fair that a woman who has never had children to get cancer at 19 the week before her wedding. She shared the happiest day of her life and then spent her honeymoon having her dreams ripped from her. She never questions what was fair only that she wanted to spend her life with this man.
How about the babies who are born sick or with out body parts who did nothing but be born. Is that fair?
I am going to get better. I have the best doctors in the world. Taking care of me. Am I frustrated. Hell yea. I was in the hospital in April with blood problems. Nobody knew. Only my sister and my husband. I dont want anyone to pity me.
For the record, it is called Thrombophylia. I clot really easy. It could cost me my life if untreated. You know the funny thing is someone hears you have a blood problem and the first thing you hear is AIDS or Cancer. I DONT HAVE EITHER I have a rare disease. It mostly effects older people and mostly men. I am specail. I got it from my mom. who got it from her mom, who died because it was never diagnosed.
Ok.. now before we start the pity B party let me say. I am going to beat this and anything else that comes along.
I have the man I love and the familiy I always wanted. I am going to give the world balance by living.
B

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