Last night I went to a party. Thank God for the pain pills it allow me to stand and sit with out a ton of pain. So many people there, I think the bar owners were having a great big kaching.
There was a person there. Who I think the only reason was talking to me was to pump information about a friend of mine. It bothered me but I think the thing that bothered me more is that he wanted me to approach his wife because she and I dont speak and he would love to see us together as friends. When HELL freezes over. She seems to think it is ok for her to - uggg when I think about it makes me so mad
So when they asked how my brother in law was doing I said I had not talked to him in a couple of months. I am sure in no time it will be all over the place that we are not talking and had a falling out. Which could not be further from the truth. Irish has been talking to him. Just been busy. Of course every time Icky Spice looks at me she gives me the look of death. Who cares? People will see them for who they are. People still want to meet me and know me. I am not going to let what a handful of people think of me shake my whole self image. I know there people out there who love me and think I am great. Then there are other people out there who think I am a hanious bitch. You know what they dont matter. I am not going to wrap up my whole self image in what people think. I spent my whole life until a couple of years ago trying to please every one. Going out of my way scaraficing everything money, dreams, hopes, self esteem, and in then end I was like a puppet. Tell me what to do to make you happy and Buffy would have done it. Then Irish came and started to save me but I had to save myself. I am working on that day by day. The esteem isuse is still so big for me. I mean I feel like I am getting better and on the right track but then there are time of overpowering fear. I am afraid to step out of the safety of my world. Afraid of the rejection that I sure will come. The gee you are a really nice person but not nice enough. Call me anal. I guess this is something I have to deal with.
I once went to a club with a beautiful person who made the whole club stop when she walked acrossed the room. I kept thinking. I wish I could be half as beautiful as her. I wish that I could stop a room. Just once and not because I fell on my face in front of people. I would not know what to do if it happen.
I know that I am cute. I know that the people that matter feel I am beautiful. Am I being selfish, wanting a room to stop for me.
Well, I have to get the hubby up and off to school. I may go back to bed. Right now I am awake as if I drank a thousand cups of coffe but I am sure in a few minutes that the feeling will be gone.
B
There was a person there. Who I think the only reason was talking to me was to pump information about a friend of mine. It bothered me but I think the thing that bothered me more is that he wanted me to approach his wife because she and I dont speak and he would love to see us together as friends. When HELL freezes over. She seems to think it is ok for her to - uggg when I think about it makes me so mad
So when they asked how my brother in law was doing I said I had not talked to him in a couple of months. I am sure in no time it will be all over the place that we are not talking and had a falling out. Which could not be further from the truth. Irish has been talking to him. Just been busy. Of course every time Icky Spice looks at me she gives me the look of death. Who cares? People will see them for who they are. People still want to meet me and know me. I am not going to let what a handful of people think of me shake my whole self image. I know there people out there who love me and think I am great. Then there are other people out there who think I am a hanious bitch. You know what they dont matter. I am not going to wrap up my whole self image in what people think. I spent my whole life until a couple of years ago trying to please every one. Going out of my way scaraficing everything money, dreams, hopes, self esteem, and in then end I was like a puppet. Tell me what to do to make you happy and Buffy would have done it. Then Irish came and started to save me but I had to save myself. I am working on that day by day. The esteem isuse is still so big for me. I mean I feel like I am getting better and on the right track but then there are time of overpowering fear. I am afraid to step out of the safety of my world. Afraid of the rejection that I sure will come. The gee you are a really nice person but not nice enough. Call me anal. I guess this is something I have to deal with.
I once went to a club with a beautiful person who made the whole club stop when she walked acrossed the room. I kept thinking. I wish I could be half as beautiful as her. I wish that I could stop a room. Just once and not because I fell on my face in front of people. I would not know what to do if it happen.
I know that I am cute. I know that the people that matter feel I am beautiful. Am I being selfish, wanting a room to stop for me.
Well, I have to get the hubby up and off to school. I may go back to bed. Right now I am awake as if I drank a thousand cups of coffe but I am sure in a few minutes that the feeling will be gone.
B
Ok.. lets break this down by number:
1. The bald headed phreak and Icky Spice are nothing. no one. they have souls that make the spirits weep. Karma, my darling, is a bitch and she will come around to them eventually.
2. As far as a falling out, let them talk. They always will. In the long run, you know who loves you. what others think or say doesn't matter.. not even in the smallest.
3. You, my little bitch (I'm so proud!!) are NO ONES puppet.
4. Stopping a room is more embarrasing that you can even imagine. it's not that great.
5. I love ya!