iriseyes

so finally this fucking paper is finished. two weeks since i started it, i finally get to turn it in. i learned a lot through the research, but two weeks, one topic... aaahhh exhausting.

i'm starting to think that i have this thing... where... i like need to be liked by boys. i mean, yes obviously i want boys to like me... but... i have one now, all to myself, and yet... there are others... who i want... and clearly can't have... and these are guys who have showed interest in me. But why do i care so much that they like me? for instance... this one kid, pat... i know that if i wasn't with shael i would want to get together with him... but then i think... hell, i want to get together with him now... but i'm with shael now... so why do i think these things. i say things i probably shouldn't say... nothing terrible things, but probably things that a girl with a boyfriend should not say to another guy. i don't say anything i don't mean though. and i think that in the right situation... it would be hard to stop myself from certain things... doing things... i have that problem...apparently... so... i guess what i'm wondering is... what's my deal? is shael not enough for me? am i finding things in these other guys that i don't find in shael?.... am i answering my own questions?

it's late. and i've been working on the same paper fooooorrrr 6 hours? yeah. my brain is fucked. i don't know what i'm talking about.