irina

I'M SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED.

I just wrote up a really long entry of badly needed venting, and I was about to post it, and then POOF! My browser crashed. I'm so fucking angry. I really want to post it and get it out of my system, but I don't feel like typing it all again. I'll try to type a short version though. I don't expect most of you to read it though, it's just stuff I wanted to get out of my head. You should go look at the very end of my entry though, because it contains a rather amusing picture. And I just used the word "though" in three consecutive setences; did that bother anyone else when they read it?

Anyway, the last few days have been really fucking rocky.

Friday: My best friend asked if she could crash with me for the weekend, causing me to a) clean my room, which I never do, and b) make some extra-special rockin' weekend plans. Then Friday, she flaked.

Saturday: My friend flaked AGAIN, and she didn't even CALL to say she wasn't going to make it. She was just GHOST. Instead of spending my night dancing & drinking with my best friend, I spent it grumpily waiting for a phone call. I also spent much of it fending off a boy, and then trying to gently explain that I don't want to date him. He's really nice, and I was enjoying the way he was wooing me, but I simply wasn't feeling any spark. So I told him so. 2 days before V-Day. How thoughtful of me. (It should be mentioned, however, that on Saturday night I looked FOXY. Oh man, I wish I had pictures.)

Sunday: hangover + sleep + depression.

Monday: Well, as you can guess, Monday was a bit lonely for me. And yet! My students and their parents all played their part in making me feel genuinely loved in my work community. It was very touching. It's nice to be appreciated for working so hard.

Today: And then today was just a killer. After feeling so wonderful about my job, I came in to work to receive some very bad news. (It's news I was expecting, but today was just a really bad day to get it.) One boy in my class has some special needs, and we finally found someone who is specifically qualified to work with him. However, while she's there, I'm not needed in the classroom. She'll probably be working there 2.5 days a week, which means that I'll only be needed in the room 2.5 days a week as well. My work schedule is being CUT IN HALF.

I don't care about the money; it's not like I have to pay rent right now. But I'm simply heartbroken. I love my kids, and I love my coworkers. I know I bitch & moan a lot here, since it is my journal, but honestly I've never ever ever been happier with life, and that's mostly because of work. I don't know what I'll do with myself once my schedule changes. I'm pretty crushed.

***********************************

On a positive note, this afternoon I celebrated the survival of yet another lonely Valentine's Day. Self-love is the most important kind, after all, so I bought myself a gift. It's my first one, and let me tell you it's long overdue: