Ugh, my goodness. Wild weekend. And now it's Monday and I'm supposed to be at choir. But I'm not. Instead I am at home, because I overslept, and I don't feel particularly well. This depression thing is just making everything completely fucked. Get these diseases out of me!
I can't function like this. This isn't who I am. Or maybe it is. I don't know who I am, really. I take so many drugs each day that "who I am" has been chemically altered, permanently, I bet. And if I were to stop taking them, I wouldn't live long enough to fix things and find myself again.
At the beginning of this semester, I was a fulltime student at Hunter College. I was taking 6 courses, 14 credits. I was psyched. In the 4 weeks or so since then, I've dropped to 3 classes, 7 credits. And tomorrow I'll be dropping a 4th class, a great class, and another 3 credits. It's going to take me a fucking decade to graduate, the way things are going these days. But that's okay, I'm not even sure i should be going to school right now anyway,
Some days I'm totally fine. Friday & Saturday, I felt great. Yesterday was mostly a good day. And then BAM! this morning I'm ready to jump off a fucking cliff. And evolutionarily speaking, i think that's exactly what I'm supposed to do. I think suicidal tendencies are just evolutions solution to overpopulation and the overall detriment caused by the human race. But of course I won't kill myself. I"ll just sleep and cry and eat pudding until I find the motivation to do something else. Whatever.
In other news, I have a list of SIXTEEN different set ideas. Someone send me a digital camera and a tripod! Go, do it! Now! You fucking love me!
I'm out of pudding, so that means this entry is over.
I can't function like this. This isn't who I am. Or maybe it is. I don't know who I am, really. I take so many drugs each day that "who I am" has been chemically altered, permanently, I bet. And if I were to stop taking them, I wouldn't live long enough to fix things and find myself again.
At the beginning of this semester, I was a fulltime student at Hunter College. I was taking 6 courses, 14 credits. I was psyched. In the 4 weeks or so since then, I've dropped to 3 classes, 7 credits. And tomorrow I'll be dropping a 4th class, a great class, and another 3 credits. It's going to take me a fucking decade to graduate, the way things are going these days. But that's okay, I'm not even sure i should be going to school right now anyway,
Some days I'm totally fine. Friday & Saturday, I felt great. Yesterday was mostly a good day. And then BAM! this morning I'm ready to jump off a fucking cliff. And evolutionarily speaking, i think that's exactly what I'm supposed to do. I think suicidal tendencies are just evolutions solution to overpopulation and the overall detriment caused by the human race. But of course I won't kill myself. I"ll just sleep and cry and eat pudding until I find the motivation to do something else. Whatever.
In other news, I have a list of SIXTEEN different set ideas. Someone send me a digital camera and a tripod! Go, do it! Now! You fucking love me!
I'm out of pudding, so that means this entry is over.
funny take on evolution hehe. id have to say though, that the people who kill themselves really dont want to be here, and just do it. if your talking about it there must be something that keeps you here. things always change. at one point in my life, i wanted to end it all, now alot of time has past and what was i thinking.
i have a ass-ton of ideas for photosets too. to bad im not a hot sexy young teenage girl, im sure id make someone happy.
pick a camera any camera.