Its hard to write these entries some times. I dont really know just what to say and what to forget. I have the first line of a song running through my head All alone now, except for the memories and I know where its from, but not why its in my head. I havent been listening to that tune for a long time, I just did a quick check and its not even on in my iTunes .. I know I have the CD around here somewhere, but I dont know if I really want to dig it out and listen. In many ways its a song thats part of my past, part of someone I was and someone I am no longer.
Thats a weird concept, that I am at once me but not who I was and not who I will be. I am I ?
Anyway, there are these artifacts that I keep and look at and think about but dont engage the way that I once did. I know these things inside and out, I know what they meant when they had meaning, but now I dont experience them in the same way.
I guess that is the long way around to saying that I am not excited about the new Star Wars flick thats coming out in the next week or two.
As a child I was a huge fan of the original films, even the overly cute Jedi flick (I was 10 and identified with the ewoks in a lot of way, thats a therapy session that I will spare you). I saw the first film with my Dad, it was memorable, visionary, startling, and held the promise of adventure, love, friendship, and wonder. The second flick was even better, it was dark and shocking, scary and I couldnt wait for the third film.
My dad couldnt wait for the 3rd film either, only he died a month or two before its release. I remember clearly sitting in the theater thinking of him and that he hadnt gotten to see the film. I remember thinking that was going to be the way a lot of things in my life would go. He would never see me graduate high school, go to college, fall in love, get married, have children (the last three of which I still havent done). He wouldnt be there for me when I bought my first house, or was offered my first real job. That was a lot for a 10 year old to take in and I can see now that I am still trying to reconcile all of that with my life.
Back to Star Wars, I saw the Fandom Menace, but not Attack of the Klowns, and really I had no interest in seeing that 2nd one. Now we have the third installment, 22 years after my fathers death, and I find myself thinking about him in relation to the films again. I think that if I had kids that I might think of taking them to see the film, and that I would tell them about when I saw the first Star Wars.. but I dont have kids. I dont have a lot of things that my peers do, but thats not all bad, I still have the promise of building that life that they have built.
On another tip, I see that one of my high school classmates has published a book. I heard about first when she became the 3rd of my school mates (and were talking about a school that had between 350 and 425 students when I was there) to appear on NPR. The other 2 are regular contributors to the NPR, but hearing Rachel DeWoskin talk about her book, her time in China and her parents made me feel . Icky? Something. I didnt know her well, I was below her radar. I knew her mother, she taught English at our high school, and I heard all about their trips to China and I visited their upper class home. I know the kind of money and connections that this girl had behind her, still I am jealous that she has been able to grab just a little bit of press for her book that she has a book while I cant seem to get my head together enough to write another book length manuscript, or to look at the one sitting around here somewhere and do something with it.
Dont get me Started..
Thats a weird concept, that I am at once me but not who I was and not who I will be. I am I ?
Anyway, there are these artifacts that I keep and look at and think about but dont engage the way that I once did. I know these things inside and out, I know what they meant when they had meaning, but now I dont experience them in the same way.
I guess that is the long way around to saying that I am not excited about the new Star Wars flick thats coming out in the next week or two.
As a child I was a huge fan of the original films, even the overly cute Jedi flick (I was 10 and identified with the ewoks in a lot of way, thats a therapy session that I will spare you). I saw the first film with my Dad, it was memorable, visionary, startling, and held the promise of adventure, love, friendship, and wonder. The second flick was even better, it was dark and shocking, scary and I couldnt wait for the third film.
My dad couldnt wait for the 3rd film either, only he died a month or two before its release. I remember clearly sitting in the theater thinking of him and that he hadnt gotten to see the film. I remember thinking that was going to be the way a lot of things in my life would go. He would never see me graduate high school, go to college, fall in love, get married, have children (the last three of which I still havent done). He wouldnt be there for me when I bought my first house, or was offered my first real job. That was a lot for a 10 year old to take in and I can see now that I am still trying to reconcile all of that with my life.
Back to Star Wars, I saw the Fandom Menace, but not Attack of the Klowns, and really I had no interest in seeing that 2nd one. Now we have the third installment, 22 years after my fathers death, and I find myself thinking about him in relation to the films again. I think that if I had kids that I might think of taking them to see the film, and that I would tell them about when I saw the first Star Wars.. but I dont have kids. I dont have a lot of things that my peers do, but thats not all bad, I still have the promise of building that life that they have built.
On another tip, I see that one of my high school classmates has published a book. I heard about first when she became the 3rd of my school mates (and were talking about a school that had between 350 and 425 students when I was there) to appear on NPR. The other 2 are regular contributors to the NPR, but hearing Rachel DeWoskin talk about her book, her time in China and her parents made me feel . Icky? Something. I didnt know her well, I was below her radar. I knew her mother, she taught English at our high school, and I heard all about their trips to China and I visited their upper class home. I know the kind of money and connections that this girl had behind her, still I am jealous that she has been able to grab just a little bit of press for her book that she has a book while I cant seem to get my head together enough to write another book length manuscript, or to look at the one sitting around here somewhere and do something with it.
Dont get me Started..